When I took on full time work, having worked out the budget as it stood as a part time worker, and how it would possibly stand as a full time worker it looked like such a good move. And yet...here I am looking at the same situation that I was in..although I guess the positive is that I am able to get my youngest son diagnosed privately at the moment (even if it has taken the meagre amount of money I had left over at the end of every week and drank it down like a person dying of thirst!)
I could choose to give up and be in a funk...or I could just accept that this is life and try to make the most of it. This being a conundrum that I have had more than once over the last two days...for different topics and which I think I actually need to make steps to improve.
My children are right now disapointed little people at being let down (and just when they were beginning to trust again too!) by not being taken out tomorrow. Every fibre of my being wants so desperately to take them out somewhere to make it up to them and take their minds off the heartache, but this week (fortnight/lifetime..) that isn't an option. There is also the problem that I have a HEAP of work to do that simply has to be done (school reports) which I had planned to sit and plow through while they were out...I simply cannot put them off or ignore them. So..instead of going out I will make staying home as interesting and as fun as possible.
1# I am going to devise a treasure hunt to occur in the backyard or in the house. I will draw a map and have them work together to find items and to put together a puzzle of things that they can choose to do as a prize for working it out which will be:
- go on a bike ride
- go for a walk with the dog to the playground
- watch movies with popcorn
All free and all doable.
I will schedule my report writing around them. Pretty much my exciting Saturday night in is now planned ;) as is my early morning wake up on Sunday to try and get through them.
2# the budget is whacked...so instead of worrying about it and all that it doesn't have in substance, I am going to attempt to shift my focus to all it does contain. I am going to make myself feel pride when watching the swimming centre take some of my funds this afternoon rather than feel dread at it's departure because I have worked damn hard to pay for the swimming lessons the children attend. I am going to feel pride that I can pay for my son's social group sessions rather than dread as it too is sythoned from the account. Pride....mmmhmmm
I think a part of this is also a change in focus as to the skills I have to get us through and by on what we have. Actually writing about this and looking at what I do do in a positive way will eventually help me I think. Holidays are coming up soon...expect to see some blog posts about that ;) .
3# things of which I cannot control..... I find myself so cross so often at the actions of another and the impact that it has on the children's and my life. Instead though, I am going to focus on our life and plan to do things and to live it and not worry so much about the other stuff. To finally accept the way it is, not accept the words or even the documents stating behaviours to come, but instead accept from past experience how I really think it will be. To help my children cope with the way things are also and become loving, caring, resilient, strong little people despite it and not the opposite because of it!
4# Give myself a Break! When you're closest friends and the professional you pay to help you all tell you you are a perfectionist who wants to do everything perfectly and beyond 100% and that you need to give yourself a break...that instead, focus on what really needs doing and what you are doing ok, rather than striving for the moon....well eventually it seeps in a little and you find yourself listening. I am going to accept, while we are going through all of this and life is so ridiculously busy that doing ok is good enough.
(and just incase it wasn't clear I am convincing myself as much as you of all the above ;) )
~ Jaak
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