What is my world coming to when there is simply no time to procrastinate!!

I used to be the Queen of Procrastination. I could spend a whole day freaking out and procrastinating about what I need to get done. But now, I find that I just don't have the time to procrastinate...but it doesn't mean that my innate desire doesn't guide me towards it still!

Since the house has been on the market for over a month now I have had no chance to procrastinate over the housework. I have had deadlines to it getting done and little time to do it and so I have had to just get on with it. This has produced a cleaner house and also a little bit of development in my cleaning skills and lessened the time it takes for me to do it. I still complain and scream expleatives in my head while I do it though, what can I say? Housework and I will never be besties!

At work I used to procrastinate about getting things planned and always (even in school) have worked on the last minute rule. "I will do that homework but first I should wash my hair! :p" . But now I find that in order for life to be easier I need to be organised. So I am always working and organising and I have a clean desk. That is a miracle in itself! I am still chasing my tail to get things planned but it's more for the in advance.....rather than in five minutes being needed. Oh and I still do procrastinate doing it in favour of watching telly, reading or sleeping.

The biggest difference I think is in the amount of time that I have to completely lose the plot. The amount of time I do not have to lose the plot I should say. I am often still overcome with dibilitating stress and anxiety over everything that I need to do and am responsible for, but I simply do not have the time to sit in the fetal position anymore! I feel the panic rise, I feel the black cloud start to set in and sit on my shoulders, clouding my vision but I also see a light in the distance and know that I have to walk and work through it to get to that light because everything else in my life depends on me getting there! I can't stop. I can't breakdown. I cannot let it all overwhelm me because there is just NO TIME for that.

I have to go to work, I have to cook dinner, I have to clean for the open house, I have to get breakfast into the kids and get to the shops before the bank closes on a Saturday morning and do it all before swimming starts so they don't miss their lessons. My life is a timed, steady list of have to's with no alternative options anymore.

Noone else will pick up the children if I do not get to care on time to pick them up. Noone else will pay the bill if I do not. Noone else will clean the floors and walls to try and ensure this house sells....noone else. Just.Me.

So this morning, as I was asked to call back later to the useless bank to demand answers to a stuff up they had made and I had the computer open and felt like I was about to crumble into a thousand pieces I had the confliction that hit me which screamed...you cannot crumble as you do not have enough time to! So instead here I am. Procrastinating...or I like to think of it as nurturing a need I have been putting last, which is the write! while using precious minutes I just don't have in the process.

Today is auction day. I planned to clean and sparkle the house even though there is a chance noone will turn up to the Auction. But thanks to the stuff ups of others I am now forced to leave the house in a few moments, race across town to the bank and to claim things to fix a problem I didn't cause, by lunchtime today...stop, rewind....to fix it by 11 when my parents are picking the children up for their swimming lessons so I can be here for the Auction.

I have the desire as strong as the midday sun to scream the unfairness of my again having to be influenced by and having to fix problems that are not of my doing! That despite how hard I am working to make life ok that others still cause me grief....but who would I scream it to? and what is the point? One of the big things I reitterate to my son when a tantrum (which leads to a meltdown) is beginning is the question...will this reaction fix the problem? If getting angry and screaming and hitting/ kicking/ rolling around/ running away won't fix the problem then why do it? Lets acknowledge how you feel and how much the situation sucks and calmly try and come up with solutions or accept it. It is a work in progress times a thousand times a day......so it stands to reason that I too should take my own advice!

So you'll have to excuse me as I must leave now to deal with the trillions of things that make our life run in a tiny semblance of okness.

I will update on the disapointment that is our house selling fiasco later today...or tomorrow....or whereever I can find the time.

I hope you are all well you lovely people out there in cyberspace and may your days be filled with many a moment that you can fill with procrastination....

xoJaak

Scienceworks Melbourne - A great, cheap outting for the kids...

We had another open house on Wednesday last week and so after scrubbing the house we ventured off for a drive to Scienceworks in Spotswood.

Scienceworks is the ultimate kids playground! It is filled with a large selection of different exhibits all aimed at children being hands on and learning how things work. The best kind of science that there is!









We headed into the house area first. This exhibit breaks down everything you do and do not want to know about how things work in your kitchen and house. We learnt about bacteria, what the origin of products are and got to look at the workings of a fridge, microwave...and that is just a drop in the ocean of the multitude of things that you can learn. Infact I think that if we went to Scienceworks everyday for a fortnight we would still be learning new things by the end of the 14 days.

Being schoolholidays it was incredibly busy but that just added to the fun. Getting there in the afternoon it was less sensory overload for my boys, being able to touch and play with all the exhibits with a little space proved to be more successful than our morning venture last year when it was just too busy and they couldn't cope with the crowding. This time they jumped in and helped, ran, played with the other children.



In Nitty Gritty Super City the children, and there had to be at least 30, all worked together to build a foam brick wall, using pulleys and wheelbarrows to transport the bricks, a convey belt to move them up to the house structure...the play and learning possibilities were endless.





My two got their muscles out and lifted a pallet of concrete...

We then we headed to the cafe where the children all worked together to prepare food, tea and coffee and discover just what was in the foods they eat at home!

I was wondering just what I was served to eat too at one point....

The sports section proved to be a great interest to my big boy K as he ran from one activity to the other before racing a large computer image of Cathy Freeman who was running along the wall (and he assures me he won!)

While he was being active A2 and I sat down for a leasurely canoe along the Yarra River...

While A1 rode a bike which made the skeleton on the roof ride his bike at the same time. The sports exhibit not only allowed the kids to test their skills at netball, soccer, football but also their abilities of balance and understanding what their bodies do when they are playing the sports, how they use their energy and even how they use their brain power and emotions shape the way their muscles work. Brilliant learning possibilities and fun for both kids and parents. There was even the opportunity for A2 to go Snow Boarding!

If you think that this sounds like a wonderful day out but you are worried about the cost then DO NOT FEAR. The cost is just $10 per adult and all children are free. Scienceworks has a cafe and gift shop but they are not necessary to frequent if you are watching your pursestrings as there are three great playgrounds 
 within the outer grounds of the complex which have many places to sit and have a picnic, you can even bring along snags and have a barbeque.




We highly recommend going along for a play with your children. Please be aware that it can become noisy and crowded so if your child is overly sensitive to either then perhaps take precautions (maybe head phones?) . As I said we arrived at 2pm and although it was still incredibly busy it wasn't long before the crowds started to disapear and although it closes at 4.30pm we still managed to get to all te exhibits. Mind you as I said there is sooooo much involved in each part of Scienceworks that there is always new things to discover and learn :) .

If you are very worried about your child being over whelmed by the crowds, I have also been during the school term with my class on an excursion and it is a lot quieter and more manageable at those times of the year (you would just need to deal with those pesky school groups ;) ) .
We give Scienceworks 5 out of 5 for Fun and Education for kids :)

Won't you come a riding with us?...

A really nice thing about living in a new area and new estate is that they are designed to be incredibly family friendly. Within our own estate there are two terrific playgrounds, a walking/ bike track which takes us all throughout the estate and a gorgeous pond with ducks and swans making it their home. Often we get sick of being inside and venture out on two wheels to explore.


Master A2 sits on the back of my bike while the big kids venture out on their own bikes and off we go. The wonderful thing is that there is barely ever reason for the children to ride on the rode, making the ride safe for all of us (rode safety is something we are still working on).

I had the wonderful idea of going for a bike ride in the city last week, the only problem was that I could not fit my bike in the boot of the car :( so until I can afford a bike rack that will have to be an outting that waits. So instead we went off riding around our neighbourhood.

Thankfully the area that we are planning of moving to has bike tracks all throughout it also and with the added bonus of having a train station within riding distance too...so city riding will become an easy possibility :)


Do you ride bikes as a family? What do you like to do together with the kids?

Today's Discoveries...

The love between a Mother and Child knows no bounds, nor is confined to our species alone...




The joy a little boy displays when he sees one of his favourite animals can make even the most rushed of strangers stop and smile...




A2s monkey met the monkeys
Fundamentally it all comes down to this...




We had a wonderful day at the zoo, we sure learnt a lot.
What did you get up to today?

She sews......

My daughter is always fascinated with my sewing (post to come about me and sewing :p) and has asked several times over the school holidays if I could teach her to sew. If she could actually make something. So this morning, considering it is the last day of the school holidays (weekend not included) I sent her to my materials cupboard to choose some materials to make a pillow case. 

She chose a cotton material with bunnies on it and a soft stretch material for the back, or front depending on how she would like it to be.

I measured it (sort of) and we pinned it and then she sat to sew.  (Notice how I didn't say we cut it out via a pattern...hmm...important info that ;) )

A1 very gingerly placed her hand on the side of the machine and her foot on the pedal. Her legs just reached the pedal enough to push it down and the first time she pressed it she gave a little jump of fright as the material began to move beneath the needle.

She did a wonderful job down one side of the pillow case before deciding that the tv would be far more interesting...leaving me standing there with a pillow case in need of finishing.

Ten minutes later it was finished and A1 paused her movie to bring her pillow down to try out her new pillow case...

It proved to be a little tooooo big/ long. After we stood and looked at it for a minute I had the idea of folding up the end of the pillow case and then A1 squelled with excitement and then ran towards her room. She returned moments later with her baby exclaiming, "This makes the PERFECT babies bed Mum!" . Why Yes, Yes it does!

What a perfect way to end the school holidays. Finishing crafting projects and making my little ballerina happy :)

Have you just survived the school holidays? What kinds of things did you get up to?

Of loss and hope.....

Life has been busy this school holidays filled with many wonderful things that have calmed my nerves of last term and brought me an inner peace.

Driving the last two days I found myself singing along with the radio and feeling happy. Free. Those being feelings which have been vacant from my life for far too long and were a welcome return. I have been working so hard this holidays to build up my resiliance and to change my viewpoint and the ways in which I am able to cope with the adversities that are thrown my way and for the most part I am succeeding in making positive changes. I have many many happy filled posts which I will write the next few days, they will not be in chronological time order of occurance but are important and stories of our beautiful new life which need to be written, shared and celebrated. But this post, unfortunately is not one of those beautiful, happy posts. This is a post about loss. One which I am hesitant to write if only due to the fear that giving it voice will source it power...however to not write it means that I am keeping the beast of it within and sucking the good from within me at the same time.

This week marks the 7 months mark of my separation from my husband of 12 years and partner of 16.This month was the month that the house we built, our second house together, and changed to meet our needs, on the block of land of our dreams...went on the market for sale.

It was something that we both agreed definitely needed doing and at times the thought of selling the house could not come soon enough. We both need to be able to move on as there is no way that there will be a reconcilliation. Living here has been incredibly hard, the memories that I walk past at every turn have served to stab me in the heart at times I really needed them not too. The maitenance of a house this size when I work part time and also have three children in my full time care has proven to be a constant struggle to find time to do and do well. The preparation for sale has been one that I have painfully done alone...packing up and sorting through things, dividing them between the two of us at times, taping up boxes that are just too hard to deal with. Cleaning and painting and preparing the house, desperate to make it look like a home that could make another family incredibly happy,  be another families dream and future and letting go of my own dreams and future in it at the same time.

It has been a hard process but the one carrot that has been dangling as a sign of hope the whole time, through reach hard and hurtful step is the reality that this sale can be the new start that my children and I deserve. That at the end there will be a reward.

Then the campaign leading to the Auction began and the advertising and open house inspections began and which each one that passed my hopes diminished and shrunk a little more. Noone was enquiring, noone was interested and now instead of worrying merely about how much it would sell for I began to worry about if it would sell at all. Could it get any worse?

An internet search on any real estate website will deliver over 750+ houses for sale in my area. No,that is not a typo but instead the perils that come with having a home in a new estate surrounded by new estates. Builders building houses they haven't got buyers for and then selling those houses for next to nothing in an attempt to clear their debts. It is a buyers market and I cannot see a reason at all why they would build when they have the pick of the crop of brand new already built houses at their disposal. Noone came to our house.

Until last Saturday. One group of people came. They liked the house...alot. So much that they came again last night. All very encouraging...but....the money they are willing to pay for our house is far far too low.

The phone call I had been waiting for came this afternoon from the agent dealing with the sale of our house. What price are you willing to sell at? What is your lowest now? Now..he asks...because we can all see that the price that we said when signing up to sell was unrealistic. Now...he asks....when we see that the interest is non existant and there is no competition between buyers for our house...now...

So we lowered our price a little....the buyer who loves our house will have to increase his price quite a bit to meet us though. The agent will start negotiations....

I said goodbye to my best friend, who was over visiting today, just after taking the agents phone call and I sat and worked out the figures of what we would potentially have each if we were to sell at our new lower price.

I will walk away with enough for the bond and one months rent on a house. That's all Folks.

Allow me if you will a moment to weep. To weep for another dream that is evaporating faster than the seed in which it was born from within my mind. The dream of owning my own home again...poof!.....gone. The dream of maybe an overseas holiday with the children....poof....gone! The tiny little dream of maybe some new furniture to replace the breaking and stained furniture of a life of which to think about hurts....poof....gone. The dream of having a nest egg of safety on which to sit and have for 'rainy days' .....poof.....gone.

Instead let me climatise to this new future, this new reality and dream. Allow me to be thankful for the fact that I will walk away without debt, something I certainly do not take for granted. But also allow me the moment to be sullen, and selfish and feel as though the whole situation is JUST NOT FAIR. Because on a selfish and negative plain it is simply not. It is not fair that after having a mortgage for 12 years that I will now be renting forever. It is not fair that the dreams I once had for my family and my children have been ripped apart. It is not fair that I will walk away from this hurt, this torture with nothing. It is not fair that forever more my children and I will struggle.

Now that you have indulged me that one moment. You've let me cry those tears, feel the sinking in my stomach and the ache in my heart...you've allowed me that moment in time to hate the world and to hate the situation that I am in. To mourn the loss not only of my home but also of all the dreams that it contained and also all the dreams I had envisioned would come from it's sale. Thankyou for giving me that moment.

This is now what I pledge you, me and especially my children. I know that these things are not the important things in life, our happy new life together is. I realise that all these new changes I face at first hurt, bring me tears and challenge all I know but that ultimately they are for the best. This last fortnight I have faced one that will ultimately change the life I know forever more. This holidays I have had to make the decision to return to full time work rather than the part time I have currently. This concept both terrifies me and exhilerates me. I am worried about how I will cope but ultimately know that I will be ok...it will just take time and getting used to. Because sometimes lifes journey takes you places you don't want to go, didn't envision yourself going but doesn't give you an exit or choice. You can bitch about it and live in regret of it until that regret eats away at every positive fibre within your being and takes the light out of your life or you can accept it and make the most of it. And that is what I am determined to do.

I am determined to acknowledge and give time to those things which hurt and give them voice if only to dispel them from my mind and my heart and then to leave them behind. Envision opening the car door on the problem, talking to it, acknowledging it and then driving away leaving it behind. That is what I am going to do.

Because I want to have many many days in the sun, with my beautiful children, feeling happy and free and loved and that can only come from positive thoughts and love.


It is time to accept the challenges we face from now on, embrace them and make them our own. To take charge and to fashion new dreams.....while putting to rest the loss of the dreams of ole!

Honestly, can you HANDLE Autism?....

Image credited to here

The above  image of the Sydney Opera House was taken last night. It was lit up Blue to bring awareness of Autism. As I wrote yesterday I support this cause and I have people who I love who have Autism. I do not see anything wrong with my son's Aspergers and the only changes that we are makin through the various therapies he attends are those that will help him to lead a happy and full life within society.

I have days like today though when I wonder what the point of the above campaign really is and if it will ever really make a difference?

As I parent of a child on the Autism Spectrum I need to tell you that there are very few places which we venture out to. We are not a family who go out to restaurants often. It is not because we would not like to..on the contrary each of my three children and myself like to go to restaurants. We like watching the chefs in the kitchen.  We like being in new and different decorated environments. Sometimes there are circles in the middle of the table they can spin which are incredibly exciting. There are some new foods to try and turn our noses up at before sticking with the staple yummy foods. Yes...restaurants are something we would love to visit more often...but unfortunatly for us other people don't like us to visit when they are there.

They don't like it when they hear a child scream loudly that they wanted to sit somewhere different, even if that scream only lasts a few seconds and the child is easily placated...hearing it gives them THE RIGHT to give you an offensive look. They do not like it when your child does not sit still the whole time...if your child has a disorder which means that shifting around in his chair, standing, jumping, walking a little then sitting again helps him to enjoy the experience more...even if he is coming NOWHERE NEAR your table...the fact he is doing it apparently gives you THE RIGHT to give the parents an offensive look. If your child doesn't use the cutlery the way that he should at the age of eight and you are making the choice between allowing him to eat his dinner with his fingers and having stimulating lovely conversation at the same time, or fighting for him to use cutlery and noone enjoying the meal.....well people will judge you as a terrible mother based on the cutlery disuse alone.

If you go to a restaurant that has a playground then do not think for a moment that you are safer. You are in fact in the danger zone of being judged on their behaviour in there also. You see my son is a lovely boy and he knows not to take his anger out on others that he does not know. If he is frustrated by the actions of another child then he will come out and rant about them to me. I will then placate him and try and help him with the situation. If it is his own siblings though....well I let them deal with it within reason. So when your daughter wakes in a negative mood and has been all day and spends majority of the time in the playground annoying her brother who is playing nicely with other children and he turns on her, especially after she has punched him, tried to kiss him, pushed him....well obviously when you are a member of the public that allows you to say in an incredibly loud and obnoxious voice:

"That child is a Monster! He has been out of control in that playground and the Mother just does nothing! It is mothering like that that causes kids like him!"

hmmmmm.

My child with Aspergers Syndrome had a really lovely time out today. He played with a new friend (step son of a Uni friend of mine who I haven't seen in over a year and who we had gone out to lunch with for a catch up) and his sister and other kids in the playground. He fought with his sister quite a few times, sometimes those fights ended in violence...I was watching...there was nothing I could do to prevent it but contrary to opinion I did deal with it after. I guess they were too busy judging others to see me holding him in the tension hold for five minutes...or talking to them both and comforting my daughter while also berating her behaviour which was sneaky and horrible...especially as she knew well the consequences of her actions with her brother. They also didn't see his talk with me about his behaviour and having him admit to and deal with his actions. NO...they didn't. To them...my son is not like the other boys in there, who all had a great time playing with him. He was different, and quicker and louder and a because of the stimulation was acting a little full on. Which the other children thought was terrific because he is incredibly funny and animated when he becomes overstimulated (but he can also meltdown...which he did towards his sister) . No....they saw a different child, an out of control one and a Mother who was doing nothing to make him act more NORMAL!

They saw a MONSTER.

They saw a shit Mother who did nothing to stop his behaviour and so instantly saw that because his Mother was not running into the playground to make him act more 'normal' every two seconds and was sitting and chatting with her friends that the Mother was the cause of the behaviour. They saw a SHIT AND NEGLECTFUL MOTHER.

As that Mother I used to enter playgrounds and placate and stem my childs involvement in play if it didn't look the way it should, so worried of what other people will think, that something bad will happen. As that same Mother now, years on from then I KNOW my son and I know when I can stand back and allow him to be himself. I KNOW when he is ready to burst and I know the signs. I saw him ready to burst at his sister and perhaps I was wrong to not get out of my seat and stop it...not that I would have got there in time...but I also saw her behaviour and I knew that the bursting was justified. I couldn't have stopped the situation before it happened or when it did and I could tell he would not take it too far...and he didn't. I knew she would run out screaming the injustice and play the innocent...and she did. They are CHILDREN...they are SIBLINGS....I know them and I was watching the situation unfold and was ready to move if necessary. I guess though that their children are just PERFECT ...as perfect as their Parenting obviously is for them to feel so confident in voicing their opinion on sitiuations that are none of their business towards strangers.

As a family we don't go out much....not because we do not want to but because THEY DO NOT WANT US TO! The general public do not want to see children and people acting in any way different to what is expected! They will judge and they will voice those judgements on people they do not know...because as NEURO TYPICAL individuals they feel they have a right too.

In my heart I truly do hope that campaigns such as Light it Up Blue and World Autism Awareness Day/ Month work...and in small ways I think that they are. There is certainly more people who know about Autism and have formed understandings...but there are still so many who answer my explanation to their judgements that my son has Aspergers or Autism with....

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

Unfortunately for the general public I am not planning on spending all of our days at home, as much as that would be easier for you. I am planning on taking my children out to the same spaces as you, to the same restaurants and parks and on the same planes. To the same shopping centres and theatre shows and skateparks. They will be different to you and I will react to them differently to how you think you would, Despite how confronting that might be for you. Despite how disturbing it might be to your perfect life and your perfect day please understand that WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE THERE TOO. And we will be. I would also like to remind you that YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF....or to ask questions of which I would be HAPPY to answer.

Sometimes I think that the hardest thing about having Autism in our life is not the Autism itself but the rest of the population that cannot tolerate it.

Seeing the world through coloured glasses!

I've come in today to write a post for World Autism Awareness Day. It is a pretty special and signifcant day and I wanted to write something that really does it justice. I wanted it to be positive and jovial and really sums up the full gammet of worlds that ASD in our family has opened up for us. But....I am not doing so well today.

I am in the midst of a panic attack over the state of our life. The indecision of where we will live. The huge gammet of responsibility on my shoulders while I bring my children up alone. The gigantic, terrifying reality that is being a single Mum and being in limbo with our lives! I spend so much of my time doing the little things that often I can ignore the big things that loom their cold and shaky shadows on my back. But then sometimes, like the first day of holidays with two weeks of non work before us.....the big things sit down at the breakfast table with me and force me to look them in the eyes...and that is when the inner child comes out and forces me to lose the plot and shrivel within.

But while I am doing this, hiding with 7th Heaven playing on the telly and writing this blog post, willing my heart to slow down and my head to not begin thumping, in another part of the house my oldest children play together.

My son who has Aspergers Syndrome and my girl who is Neuro Typical are playing together in animated imaginative play. They are laughing and getting along and sound just like any other brother and sister. Eventually they will fight and hit one another, she will scream and cry at the injustice and he will scream that it wasn't his fault. Just like any other brother and sister. He will tell her to get lost, that he doesn't want to play with her or she will slam her bedroom door in his face...just like any other brother and sister.

So many specialists have remarked how very lucky K is to have siblings to force him to be social and deal with other children in his space. I listen to that thought process with quiet contemplation. Is he really lucky for that reason? I am not sure. I think that he is lucky to have siblings because he will always have someone in this world who is connected to him by blood and have known him all his life. I think he is lucky because he has two other people besides his parents who 'get' him. I think that he is lucky to have them because they are wonderful little people all on their own. I think that they are also lucky to have him.

He teaches them humour...imagination and to develop a thick skin. They have an older brother who at times will stand up for them and others tease them to the point they want to kill him. But they also get to learn about tolerance...all of them do. K learns to tolerate others who get into his personal space and participate in interactions with him in ways which he often, does not feel they should or that he wants them to. He has had to learn how to deal with this, tolerate others when he doesn't feel like doing so and learn through his play with his siblings, what is and isn't an acceptable way of reacting to these situations.

They are learning tolerance of behaviour which is a little different to the norm. Reactions which are strong in emotion and at times strong behaviours. They are learning that no matter how different a person is they need to be accepted for who they are and not what you want them to be.

Does my daughter often wish that she had more time with me? I am guessing yes. She is the one, at 6 years old and in the middle of two boys who is the most independent in the house. During nighttime routine she is the last to be seen by me. She showers herself while I am busy with the boys. She reads her reader to herself. She waits quietly as I calm and placate and read to Mr small (A2) as I also try and make sure that K is infact getting into pj's and into bed and hasn't been distracted by something else. When out shopping she is the one who I expect to stay and hold the pram or take over one, while I calm the other. I don't need to worry about stopping a meltdown from her, she knows the drill...she's good at helping, not because I ask her to, but because in these situations...when you are family...you have no choice.  She is the one who cops the abuse and the screams and yells and is heartbroken as she wants so much from her brothers and often gets so little. She is the one who walks into my room at the end of the day to just give me an extra hug..because she senses I need it, because she needs it too. She gives freely of her kisses and love and attention and scoops up all the attention and love she can take in return.

I am very very conscious of the needs of my girl and to make sure that her voice is heard at all times. But sometimes that is just not possible. That is reality. That is ASD. But you know what. If you are reading this and you have just been given a diagnosis of ASD in your child or a member of your family then please do not despair and believe me when I tell you that I would not change my son for anything in the world! No really..I would not take the ASD out of K....because in this house ASD is not a dirty word!

Sure at times it makes life harder. He has to learn more, tolerate more, change more than other people. He sees things differently and reacts differently to situations and sometimes that is hard for others to understand. Sometimes that is hard for him to understand and tolerate. But...those differences are also a blessing in so many ways. He gets things, like formulas and rules so much easier than I ever could. He understands and learns things easier and quicker and has a wicked memory! He has a depth of emotions and understanding of the feelings of other people and living beings which is a hundred times stronger than most other people, which is a true gift. It is the opposite of what experts say about people on the spectrum 'not understanding others', when focused on others he can understand more than you give him credit for. He also has the incredible ability to be able to block out those things he doesn't want to know or focus on at that time ;).  But of course the opposite is also true that at times everything becomes just too much because he cannot block anything out.

Sounds are louder, things taste bigger, smells are stronger, feelings are deeper....life is more colourful with ASD. Our lives are so much more colourful with him and the ASD that makes him who he is, in our lives.

Getting a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome is not a death sentence....it is just a script for walking through life with a slightly different coloured pair of glasses on!

Being a parent or a sibling of someone with ASD might make things a bit harder at times, a bit louder, a bit more colourful, a bit trickier...but do not forget that for every negative there is an equal positive opposite. We have learnt to be more tolerant and loving and understanding not just of our own son/brother but also all others who walk through this world with different coloured glasses on. Our family is wonderfully fun and happy and loving...and although that in application may look a little different to how they would within your walls, they are still there and make our life path a wonderful journey to walk...TOGETHER.

xo

Please click away from here via my  dear friend MadMother here . She has a linky today where we can all share our ASD experiences. Build your awareness ;) xo.

You totally stuffed up Bruno...

Sitting here waiting for K to arrive home from an outting at the footy with his Dad and Uncle I have a late night music program playing on the t.v in the background and the song, 'Count on Me' by Bruno Mars came on.

I remember the first time I ever heard this song. I was driving to work along a country rode, sides of the road flanked by farmland with spatterings of urban development and the hum of the nearby highway drowned out by the risen windows of the car. The sky was cloudy and mist was rising of the green fields scattered with rocks, dirt and gum trees. It is the only stretch of road on the way to work where I can do 100km and it is also the part where I usually have a wandering mind. This morning was no different, especially considering I was feeling incredibly low. The boys had a bad drop off at school and childcare and my heart hurt terribly from the seperation and everything that had since ensued from it.

Through my thoughts though filtered through this song....



I paid attention in a way I had not paid attention to anything for a very long time. Soaking in every single word as the volume rapidly increased beneath my fingers. This song summed up so very very clearly four people in my life. My very very closest of friends.

I found out what they were made of when my whole world completely crumbled around me.

When I collapsed and couldn't get up they came and helped me. They made sure I wasn't alone. They stood by me, they cheered me up and made sure I heard their words of encouragement and love at times I felt that there was no love left in the world for me.

When I couldn't stand me a moment longer they still could. When I told them to go, distance themselves from me and live their lives without my drama they did not. They told me that wasn't going to happen....that they were there for me. When they had heard it a few times they then beratted me and told me that one day I could repay them but for now just "Let ME be there for you" .

They brought my food, they fed my children and laughed with them while I cried in another room, offered to babysit, took us in when it became just too too much. The little messages that come through in the morning, afternoon, night....hi, how you going? lets watch this show together from our own comfortable houses via sms chat..did you see that on telly? how you going today? ... little bitty bits of 'hey i'm here, no pressure, answer when you can.

This song to me,  was about them, my true and closest friends.

That's why I was so disappointed when I saw the film clip because you know what Bruno...I think you missed a wonderful opportunity to show the diversity of real friends with this song. Instead you made it (as my students lamented last year) another romantic song.

Regardless of the film clip, this song makes me happy each and everytime I hear it because it makes me think of four extraordinary women who have held me up at times I could not do so on my own. And I only hope that one day I can repay that favour to them.

Do you have a song that reminds you of your friends?