Today...

Today, after my half day of work (last day of term) I am traveling to the real estates office to be given the keys to our new home.

I haven't spoken much about the process of packing up and moving because I haven't been able to. Moving this time, is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Each other time that I have moved it has been for happy reasons. I had just got married and we moved in together. Then our first home, building and moving to a bigger home. Leaving behind happy memories at the old house and moving forward into an expected happy future. This time it has been markedly different.

I had to go through many of those happy (and many not) times memories and belongings and each one brought with it a wave of emotions that often were just too much to bare! I had many people right by my side for the majority of the packing and I am so grateful that I did. I could not have done this without their support.

Today I get the keys placed in my hands and it will be the first house that I ever take responsibility of alone. It's a new horizon for us and I have been waiting for this moment for so very long.

To walk the corridors of a house with no ghosts.

To decorate and build a home that is safe and happy and where I belong, where the children belong and can be happy is something I dreamt of long before I was a Mum.

We are all so very excited about this move.

We are all not talking about what we are leaving behind.

Talking about it hurts...so right now we will live by this philosophy...





And looking forward to a fresh start and happier times ahead.

Sensory overload...

Today I awoke to the sight of my beautiful boys lying beside me and from that moment on I knew that the day would be good.




I wish I could say the same was true for my big boy.

While I was packing all day with beautiful friends packing also by my side, ticking to do list boxes and achieving tasks, K-Man was really struggling!


At school every lesson brought with it the inability to cope with anything much. The work, the students, the teacher and environment...it was all just too much for him. For the first time all year he had meltdown after meltdown! He was as he is a home, at school today, and I think it shocked his teacher!

K-Man has perfected the art of holding everything in until he gets home. Of going by the rules and doing the right thing at school. He observes and he blends in. To the point that I've had comments in the past about how 'normal' he is and how there's no need for an individual plan for him or any type of help at school that needs to be offered! As though I am a helicopter Mum or hypochondriac, making up his disorder for attention because THEY.DON'T.SEE.IT.THERE!

Today they saw it and I was almost happy about it!

He isn't coping well with all the big changes happening around here right now. But if you spoke to him, you wouldn't possibly guess that the packing and moving and the increased anxiety/anger and meltdowns are connected for he is genuinely excited about moving. He has been waiting a long time to live closer to school, to move to this house. But the amount of activity in this house, the frequency of people coming and going and the packing up of his things, even if just for the next few days until we move.....is enough to send him into sensory overload.

Little A-Man is in sensory overload all the time right now also. You'd think that'd be a good thing wouldn't you? That the boys could relate to how each other are feeling? But it doesn't quite work that way! They are continually getting on each others nerves because they are so different (and so so alike). A-Man is repeating things, whether it's behaviors or words and that is driving K insane! He becomes so frustrated with him! Oppositely A-Man is becoming anxious and frustrated with Ks defiance, rudeness and out of character behaviour and screaming, which results in increases in dobbing and crying a lot, as he is constantly telling his big brother not to do something or say something, which results in him copping an earfull! K becomes like a lit firecracker and they then meltdown off each other!

It's not a nice time here right now for my beautiful boys who like routine and structure and knowing where everything is....because right now all our things are in boxes and their world is anything but structured and organised.

Only four more days boys...we can make it :) and what a celebration moving in will be...right at the start of two weeks holidays :).

I cannot wait! :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Box City...

My parents, brother, cousin and best friend came over today to help pack.

This morning there were just a handful of boxes packed...tonight I'm navigating my way through full boxes along most walls :)

I have moved a couple of times before and none have ever been as hard as this.

You see I decided that I really need a complete fresh start, which means leaving behind those things which might hurt if stumbled across in the new house.

So I needed to go through photos and belongings of my old life. A life that was supposed to be my happy forever. The life that took me through from teenage years to adulthood...the life that turned sour long before it ended......finished.

I ripped photos (cathartic!), sorted CDs, DVDs, books...box for me- box for him. I threw out things, kept some things...decreased objects to take to the new house and donated a car full of goods. I welled up, I sunk low but I kept.on.going!

It's getting done and the hard parts haven't been nearly as bad to get through due to my family and friends by my side.

Soon my hands will hold the keys to a new house, a new life.

But until then...more boxes need constructing and packing and more friends will be right by my side helping me through. Thank Goodness For That!

Take that pragmatics!

Packing boxes...

so.much.fun!

To break up the monotony this afternoon I decided to break out my best comedic dance moves to a MJ song on the radio and asked K if he liked my dance moves? He have me 'a look'. I then got a smile out of him and so pushed my luck by saying, "so I'm gunna give up my job and become a professional dancer!"

With a smirk on his face he looked me in the eyes and said, "yeah, good luck with that!"

WOOT! Who said pragmatics was a problem for him? ;). Just five years ago he would have thought I was serious..but now he's every bit as smarty pants as any other nine year old boy! Love It! :D

Our puppy (who is actually 11years old!) moved out today! She's gone to live with my parents (which is the Taj Mahal of dog homes with daily chats and pats, left overs and spoiling galore!). I miss her already :(




her leaving home face :(

I should have taken a photo of her there though, I assure you she was grinning big :). We will see her a lot still which is good. I would love to have her living with us still but I had to put the kids and I having a home as top priority and unfortunately I had trouble getting a rental with her :(.

She was my first baby. If I'm this emotional about my baby puppy girl leaving home can you imagine me when the kids fly the coop? I might just have to keep them at home forever! ;).

Well this Nana (not literally....just in behaviour sense) was woken at 4.30 to serve breakfast to a hungry, better little A-Man this morning..so I'm turning in.

Night interwebs! :)

(and night Leanne, my threatened and incredibly welcome daily stalker ;) ).

A-Man and the nasty bug

Today they called me at work because he was sick :(




So very sick :(

He travelled back to work with me and watched fireman Sam while I helped get the 130 lunch orders out that we were responsible for, while intermittently running to help him when the nasty bug in his belly wanted out :(.

He said to me, "I want to Doe home mama". So that's where we went. Picking the big kids up early and going home to snuggle watching a DVD.

I hate it when the kids become sick and there's nothing i can do to help them. (thankfully it was just one this time!)

(Although so glad I've been forced to get over my vomit phobia! Never thought that would ever happen! Ah, a mothers love for a child can overcome any boundaries :) )


Poor Little A-Man :(

One Year On....

Woken by the phone, surrounded by my sleeping children I pressed answer and my world imploded!

What is that saying? 'The straw that broke the camels back' ...that's what it was that occured that day. It was the straw that broke me..us...it...the marriage. One year ago today.

Shaking, shivering, sobbing I rang my parents and they came straight over. I. Rang my best friends, I broke. I cried and sobbed and shook....all day.
Then I got up and made dinner and tried to sleep that night. The next day I went to work...working and running on adrenaline and little more than two hours sleep. Day by day by day the time passed. Step by step the time passed. Things got a little better, things changed...we changed for the better.

Freedom.

Today is one Year since that day. One year since the path to single mothering started and the recovery of the life that we had always deserved but never lived. One year since beginning to understand that love doesn't hurt and destroy...abuse does.




A year...it went by in the flash of an eye.

I so wished, on that day, that I could hit a fast forward button to take me one year ahead to a day I imagined when l'd have moved right past all of this. When it would all be over and I'd be living an incredibly happy life. Today, I might not quite be feeling that way, nor be living that life just yet...but there is always next year.




This time though, I'll avoid wishing for the fast forward button...there's too much growing to do through the pain. And the ceasing of the pain makes the joys of life so much more incredibly sweet. :)

Children should be seen and not heard unless asked to speak...and other such discrepancies between then and now

Today we stepped back in time to the 1800-1900s!

The big, golden bell rang summoning the students to class. 2 lines of gentlemen and ladies were formed, and they were led into the classroom that they used to know, which had been transformed.

Tables had changed from groupings to straight rows.

Reprimands were given for yawning without covering their mouths, for putting their hands up rather than standing and bowing (or curtsying) and slouching was threatened with the block!

Writing was completed using a dip pen and ink well and amazing questions were asked and answered to their satisfaction :).

The teacher was brilliant and incredibly engaging. I worried as I took photos and video that perhaps this wasn't engaging enough for them..with an hour of 'talking to'. But after it was over the only complaint was that it went way too fast! They wanted more, another lesson, a WHOLE DAY!

The in school lesson was a wonderful success and a great way to bring to a close our unit on federation and life in the 1900s. Next week we celebrate immigration and the wonderful people who helped build this country of ours :)

Have I told you how incredibly cool year 6s are? (probably a dozen times now ;) )