A-Man and the nasty bug

Today they called me at work because he was sick :(




So very sick :(

He travelled back to work with me and watched fireman Sam while I helped get the 130 lunch orders out that we were responsible for, while intermittently running to help him when the nasty bug in his belly wanted out :(.

He said to me, "I want to Doe home mama". So that's where we went. Picking the big kids up early and going home to snuggle watching a DVD.

I hate it when the kids become sick and there's nothing i can do to help them. (thankfully it was just one this time!)

(Although so glad I've been forced to get over my vomit phobia! Never thought that would ever happen! Ah, a mothers love for a child can overcome any boundaries :) )


Poor Little A-Man :(

One Year On....

Woken by the phone, surrounded by my sleeping children I pressed answer and my world imploded!

What is that saying? 'The straw that broke the camels back' ...that's what it was that occured that day. It was the straw that broke me..us...it...the marriage. One year ago today.

Shaking, shivering, sobbing I rang my parents and they came straight over. I. Rang my best friends, I broke. I cried and sobbed and shook....all day.
Then I got up and made dinner and tried to sleep that night. The next day I went to work...working and running on adrenaline and little more than two hours sleep. Day by day by day the time passed. Step by step the time passed. Things got a little better, things changed...we changed for the better.

Freedom.

Today is one Year since that day. One year since the path to single mothering started and the recovery of the life that we had always deserved but never lived. One year since beginning to understand that love doesn't hurt and destroy...abuse does.




A year...it went by in the flash of an eye.

I so wished, on that day, that I could hit a fast forward button to take me one year ahead to a day I imagined when l'd have moved right past all of this. When it would all be over and I'd be living an incredibly happy life. Today, I might not quite be feeling that way, nor be living that life just yet...but there is always next year.




This time though, I'll avoid wishing for the fast forward button...there's too much growing to do through the pain. And the ceasing of the pain makes the joys of life so much more incredibly sweet. :)

Children should be seen and not heard unless asked to speak...and other such discrepancies between then and now

Today we stepped back in time to the 1800-1900s!

The big, golden bell rang summoning the students to class. 2 lines of gentlemen and ladies were formed, and they were led into the classroom that they used to know, which had been transformed.

Tables had changed from groupings to straight rows.

Reprimands were given for yawning without covering their mouths, for putting their hands up rather than standing and bowing (or curtsying) and slouching was threatened with the block!

Writing was completed using a dip pen and ink well and amazing questions were asked and answered to their satisfaction :).

The teacher was brilliant and incredibly engaging. I worried as I took photos and video that perhaps this wasn't engaging enough for them..with an hour of 'talking to'. But after it was over the only complaint was that it went way too fast! They wanted more, another lesson, a WHOLE DAY!

The in school lesson was a wonderful success and a great way to bring to a close our unit on federation and life in the 1900s. Next week we celebrate immigration and the wonderful people who helped build this country of ours :)

Have I told you how incredibly cool year 6s are? (probably a dozen times now ;) )

This place....

There are lots of different fluffy little things I could write about tonight.

I could write about the killer headache/migraine that keeps coming and going like an unwelcome visitor for the last three days....but I won't.

I could talk about the cloud of grey snuggled around me right now which is draining my energy leaving me wanting to sleep for the next one hundred years at least....but I won't.

I could talk about the low level emotions I am feeling right now which have my eyes poised to spill over an avalanche of tears at any moment and the hollowness of heart and stomach that nothing seems to fill...but I won't.

I will instead tell you why.

Why my sons are having so incredibly different but equally as traumatic times at the moment trying to regulate their emotions and failing in massive meltdown moments.

Why my daughter is talking back like an acid tongued teenager.

Why I am suffering all of the above ailments and so much more.

Why?

Because we are on the cusp of one of the biggest changes we've ever experienced. And although we are all excited about the moment being in the near distance when we can settle and just be......

At the moment we are in this horrible place where we are stuck in the past, surrounded by memories of what was, surrounded by the dreams of what was supposed to be and what will never be. Sifting through bits and pieces which stir up more than their menial hard cases were designed for and with each bit and each piece my heart breaks and although they deny it, I think theirs (my beautiful babies) does a bit too!

We are leaving here...leaving the house we built for the forever more of grown children and grandchildren and happy days of my dreams (for reality showed a different reality once the rose tinted glasses were removed!) . Torn I am between the heartache and pain of looking around me knowing within three weeks this will not be mine anymore to feeling contempt and hatred towards the same walls and backyard and carpet for causing me such pain and heartache, for not fulfilling my dreams..for making me hurt so much..wanting me to leave immediately...now...RIGHT NOW and never look back!

In truth, preparing to leave this house feels like the breaking of my marriage all over again. It hurts like hell, breaks my heart into a billion pieces several times a day and leaves me seeing nothing but grey on even the sunshiniest days!

But, there is that little part of me, the small Buddha within who sits and watches and gives me a knowing smile...for he knows that this pain I necessary to truly enjoy the freedom and new beginning which is just around the corner. I just wish I did not have to live through it to get to that point.




Soon kids, soon....this will be finished and we will truly start again...soon.

special request...if you come by and read this post could you please say hi, nothing more..just hi. Just wondering who is reading and also feeling a bit alone these days so just to know someone's stopped by would put a smile on my dial :) - Grazie

I'm linking up for the first time this week with Jess from Diary of a SAHM :)

Mum Knows Nothing, lol....

It's not a good day when not even the sunshine can warm you.

I've felt very sick today. My parents have stepped up to help which I'm so incredibly grateful for.

Tonight my big boy K called me to his room telling me he had a joke* for me.

K:"what's your name?"
Me: "Mum"
K: "what's this called?" (pointing to his nose)
Me:"nose"
K: "what's in my hands?"
Me:"nothing"
K: "ha ha ha ha, mum knows nothing!"

I faked shock and tried to tickle him while he wriggled out of my reach and we laughed.

I walked out of his room smiling.

Sometimes I forget how much of an antidote these babies of mine really are :).

*K never understood jokes. The fact that majority of the time they rely on pragmatics makes them very hard to decipher. But with practice and lots of coaching he began to understand and like jokes. Telling them (and the beginning phases when he would then explain why it was funny, which I loved and found just as funny and adorable as the joke itself!) reading joke book after joke book and memorizing them and telling them...so cool! I love his jokes so much more because of the journey he's taken to be able to tell them :).



My joker boy left this for me to find in the photos folder! Hehe

Distract me no more...

I sit, phone in hand and scroll, click, open, close apps.

Like opening the fridge looking for food over and over, futile searching and distraction from what must be done.

Whirling, thumping noise fills the house free of calls for mum, squeals of laughter or pain. Child free silence. Soon the whirling, thumping will stop..washing cycle complete.

Tapping rocks in glass, turtle tank filter..reminder of a job to be done, tank filled, filter cleaned.

Distracting tasks consume me as I avoid that which must be done but hurts to do.

Taping boxes, filling them up, sorting into donate, throw out, pack. Tasks leading to the future stirring up memories from the past.

Avoid says my brain, avoid says my heart. Offering other distractions...shopping, browsing, working distractions and do the packing goes undone.

But it's not going away..the day comes closer and closer...opportunities diminish to complete it without cries for mummy and little fingers unpacking and salvaging what's been thrown or donated.

Must be done....

Don't want to!...

Burn the lot? If only...

Scrolling, clicking, shopping..stop! Distractions be gone.

Time to harden my heart..



And pack!

There's something fishy going on...

This morning we were late as normal to swimming lessons, but it's ok because their swimming teacher, MsA, is totally lovely and welcomes A2 with a smile no matter what the time.

He got in and did his normal refusal to blow bubbles or refusal to kick (and on some days refusal of both! ;). ).

I was walking from the edge of the pool to my seat when I was hit with an idea!

A2 loves to make fart noises with his mouth and give raspberries when I least expect it! So I whipped around and said to him, "hey A2, blowing bubbles is the same as making fart noises with your mouth underwater! It's making fart noises at the fish!" (disclaimer- the fish alerted to are fictional and not live and swimming around in the public pool!)

He looked at me for a few moments with a look on his face which clearly translated his thoughts that I was insane!

And then...he cracked up laughing and tried it! I feigned shock at such rudeness and he did it again and again!!

It was awesome!

I sat and watched as he blew bubbles (made fart noises at fish) all through his next drill with MsA :).




practicing afterwards

I approached the poolside again and said to him, you know how you like to splash water at people? Well kicking your legs is you splashing water at the fish!

He thought that was so fun that poor MsA got a face full of water whenever she ventured too close to his feet from that point on.




For the first time ever A2 swam with his teacher and simultaneously kicked his legs and blew bubbles! :)

To celebrate this new skill we all went to watch Nemo in 3D on the big screen...




It was 'totally awesome dude!'

Today was the best kind of fishy day there ever could be :)

Just keep swimming ;)