He stands and watches, water dripping from his shivering body while his eyes are glued to the water surface.
I go about the job of drying him, warming him, as he gives me a commentary about which stage it's up to,"Mama! Mama! Its a tunnel now! No, Umm, what did you tall it? It's a....a.....ornado!" .
"tornado?"
"Yeh a nornado!"
Soon he stands dry and I wrap the towel around him as i sit and watch too. The body of water is sucked sharply towards the plug hole, spiraling violently down, diminishing to the size of a pin prick as it's rapidly sucked through and down into the pipe below.
He quivers with excitement. Arms flapping, legs jumping as he watches and squeals with excitement. Eyes barely blinking, not wanting to miss a single moment of the escaping water funnel.
I look at it once more, tired knees screaming in agony at my pose upon the ice cold tiles. Shoulders ache from tightness and fatigue. Eyes long to shut. Brain longs for release, a chance to talk about my day and things that have made up this jumbled, horrid week...but no person is available other than the small, dependent ones and so the brain keeps screaming for release as the heart feels heavy.
Water spiraling down...I can't help but think on days such as this that my life bares stark resemblance to the 'nornado'.....'spiralling down at a rapid pace'.
Lost in my thoughts as I am I do not notice that the moment is over. The last drop of water has disappeared and so too has my boy, leaving nothing but a towel and the moist shadow of footprints on tiles in his wake.
I slowly rise, tired feet placed one in front of the other on my quest to find my fleeing nudie boy. Soon I will slumber, block out the world, the horrid, the hard. But not before I take possession of three cuddles and give ten kisses on three beautiful heads.
For tonight and each day, they be my plug.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday 30 August 2012
Sunshine, Wind...
Sunshine
Stretches long, thin fingers
Tickling necks
Heads
Warming hair
Little breeze tickling
Wind building
Stunts casual strolls
Hair wildly flying
Children frantically running
Screaming
Giggling
Playing
Tumbling
Fun
Fighting
Anger
Exploding
Spits of words
Faces of red
Ding goes the bell
Forget the lesson
Comfort and mediate instead
Sunshine
Wind
Combinations induce crazy kids
Stretches long, thin fingers
Tickling necks
Heads
Warming hair
Little breeze tickling
Wind building
Stunts casual strolls
Hair wildly flying
Children frantically running
Screaming
Giggling
Playing
Tumbling
Fun
Fighting
Anger
Exploding
Spits of words
Faces of red
Ding goes the bell
Forget the lesson
Comfort and mediate instead
Sunshine
Wind
Combinations induce crazy kids
Friday 24 August 2012
The pull...
Wednesday night I picked the kids up from aftercare and Childcare and we headed home in the dark. As we walked in the house my daughter handed me a note..
Hi J,
A1s eyes have been red all day. Maybe it's allergies? Just thought I'd let you know.
Her teacher
So after feeding the dog and grabbing some snacks we all got back into the car and headed to the doctors clinic.
We'd barely sat down before we were called in. After a quick examination it was determined that she had conjunctivitis. The next words were the ones which broke my girls heart..."no school tomorrow". She cried.
Tears streamed down her cheeks as we headed home with eye drops. The next day was the book parade, she was so looking forward to it. She loves school and given the choose would never stay home.
I was feeling a similar way. I had so so much to do at work. My class have just begun a cooking/lunch orders program. Last week we beat the previous years records for the whole year combined by receiving 100 lunch orders!! As I'd walked out that afternoon we already had 36 for this weeks Italian theme and I had plans to pre-cook the pizzas the next day. I also knew that more orders would come in. I needed to be at work...but I needed to be home too.
I needed to be home. That's what it came down to. I needed to be with my girl. So I made the call and my wonderful AP talked through with me how we'd handle the cooking and jobs that needed to be accomplished at work when i wasn't there. My colleague would step in and take a small group of students to cook them. She refused my offer to come in, kids in tow and do it. We worked it out.
As I hung up I thanked God for the workplace I'm at at this stage in my life. They're incredibly supportive and although I often feel guilty when I leave early for OT appointments for the boys or am late due to appointments..if need to take days off as I did in this case, the guilt only ever comes from me and not from them. They're supportive and understanding and care about the kids and I. I'm not just an employee, I'm a part of a caring community.
As I stayed home with my girl, struggling to get eye drops in her eyes throughout the day, snuggling her, playing waitress to her while she was in bed, I did at times receive calls from work. Those 36 lunch orders..well my prediction was right, they did increase...to 114! :0 . It's all sorted though, the AP and my colleague, they worked together to ensure it would all be ready for today (Friday) . I will walk in and simply need to reheat those pizzas and put the gelati in bowls and orders together. :)
Today my girl's heading back to school and I'm heading back to work. My guilt about not being at work when home or not being home when at work...well I don't think that will ever be gone completely. I care about my class and workplace too much not to worry about the impact my absence will have on them (that sounds a but conceited ~blush~ but it's a pattern that when I'm away the students don't cope so well and there are a few who really seem to get themselves into trouble on those days. I'm also working alone in yr6 as the only grade teacher and my colleague who stepped in is actually a leading teacher who has responsibilities across the school so to stop her program to take the kids for cooking is something im really grateful for).
My guilt which lies in the pull between home and work is made a little easier to deal with while I'm working in such a supportive school. As a single mother I can't express enough how incredibly important that is and how much easier that makes my life.
Do you ever feel guilty for working? Do you work in a supportive workplace?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sunday 19 August 2012
Single Mothering...
Today I was driving through my local area, running late to take my biggest boy to a birthday party and yet calm and content. As I drove through the suburbs the thought came into my head, "this single parenting thing isn't really that hard. I'm actually doing ok with this".
Fast forward to tonight, 8pm when I'm trying to get the boys dinner and took in my sick little girl, do dishes and am just then putting on the washing which I will need to stay up til late to dry also as its the uniforms and I'm so fraught with tiredness and stress that the thought comes into my head, "I totally suck at this! This is too hard! Too much for one person to do all alone!"
But, I put on my fancy dish washing gloves that I treated myself too when the dishwasher broke and got stuck into the dishes. I helped my boys bathe and into their pj's. Tucked them into bed, kissed and hugged them...turning away so I didn't witness them wiping the kisses away ;) and walked to their door ready to keep working when K stopped me with this..
"Mum...thankyou for everything today, it was the best day ever!"
From the boy who could not say thankyou in a solemn way, could not comprehend without much training why thankyou is used at all comes a solemn, self directed, heartfelt "thankyou".
That there, is so much louder than the self critical voice in my head. That there says, "I'm doing ok"
Oh and this job, it's damn hard but also so insanely wonderful. I've never felt closer to my kids and as in love with them as I do right now. In just one month it will be a year since I separated from my husband, a year of being a single mother. And although there are still many crying days and hard days I can say unequivocally that there are more happy days than before and the beautiful little people are who they are because of the change and not in spite of it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Fast forward to tonight, 8pm when I'm trying to get the boys dinner and took in my sick little girl, do dishes and am just then putting on the washing which I will need to stay up til late to dry also as its the uniforms and I'm so fraught with tiredness and stress that the thought comes into my head, "I totally suck at this! This is too hard! Too much for one person to do all alone!"
But, I put on my fancy dish washing gloves that I treated myself too when the dishwasher broke and got stuck into the dishes. I helped my boys bathe and into their pj's. Tucked them into bed, kissed and hugged them...turning away so I didn't witness them wiping the kisses away ;) and walked to their door ready to keep working when K stopped me with this..
"Mum...thankyou for everything today, it was the best day ever!"
From the boy who could not say thankyou in a solemn way, could not comprehend without much training why thankyou is used at all comes a solemn, self directed, heartfelt "thankyou".
That there, is so much louder than the self critical voice in my head. That there says, "I'm doing ok"
Oh and this job, it's damn hard but also so insanely wonderful. I've never felt closer to my kids and as in love with them as I do right now. In just one month it will be a year since I separated from my husband, a year of being a single mother. And although there are still many crying days and hard days I can say unequivocally that there are more happy days than before and the beautiful little people are who they are because of the change and not in spite of it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday 1 August 2012
There are some nights when...
He doesn't even make it to dinner time!
Sound asleep in my bed watching The Gruffallos Child while I was getting dinner defrosted and cutting hair!
No wonder he didn't come when I called that it was his turn in the mama hair cutting salon ;)
Sound asleep in my bed watching The Gruffallos Child while I was getting dinner defrosted and cutting hair!
No wonder he didn't come when I called that it was his turn in the mama hair cutting salon ;)
School Mum, Awesome Aspies and puddles..
Yesterday morning I woke on the second alarm ring, having snoozed the first and cuddled up to my littlest man who'd snuck in an hour prior, steeling myself against leaving my warm doona to the fresh, coldness of the still early morning air invading the house.
My foot left the space of warmth for a second when I remembered, I'm going in late today. It didn't take much more than a nano second to pull that foot right back in and reset a later alarm!
When I did eventually get up I got to experience something which is normally an old distant memory...yesterday I got to be a school mum! No rushing out the door with toast eating in the car, thermos cups filled with tea and hot chocolates, dreary eyed children still wiping sleep from their eyes as I drive through the streets while dawn fully emerges from darkness. Instead my beautiful children woke in their time and TOOK THEIR TIME, savoring every minute on this lazy school morning.
An activity only ever indulged on weekend mornings was partook..
And they were delicious.
Eventually it was time to greet the traffic and drop them off. It didn't quite go smoothly, but we survived drop off and then headed to littlest mans appointment.
We walked past puddles on the way in, my pulling him away from them was met with threatened tears, I promised he could go thru them after...was I mad? Perhaps, but jumping in puddles is his ultimate life thrill..if only you could see the joy on his face you would understand :).
The Paed was late...or perhaps I should say he started our appointment late..anxious is not the emotion I wanted to be feeling as I walked into it!
There was much talk, much much much...so much Infact that I was very late into work and only got to be with my class for one lesson yesterday ~eek~
All that 'much talk' came to a definitive conclusion. My Littlest boy has Aspergers Syndrome.
Later that night, I told my big boy K and he shrugged his shoulders, no big deal. I told my girl and she said, "oh that means the boys are the same and I'm just like you!" This diagnosis in our family, well it's not a big deal really..no stigmas come with it, only cool differences and opportunities to play with truly wonderful people every two weeks (o.t etc) . My kids really innocently reacted to this news in a way I could only have dreamed they would feel about ASD three short years after we first got Ks diagnosis and that is with acceptance and love ...and I'm totally taking the credit for those attitudes! ;)
I felt relieved, I knew...I think I always knew and now I'm able to get early intervention funding and assistance for him. I love the little man he is and unlike this same experience three years ago with K I was not blind sided. My world didn't crumble at my feet this time because I have been given the wonderful gift of the understanding and teaching about Aspergers...from K. He is terrific, intelligent, happy, funny...he's everything I ever dreamed in a son and more. The only difference being that his path he's walking, the way he sees things and his interactions with the world are sometimes different to other peoples. He's taught me how important it is to appreciate each and every persons individual journeys and walk along with them with an open mind, ready to learn together.
The lessons his Aspergers have taught me are nothing to fear. We can do this together. I've got wonderful support people in my life, the boys do too. I'm able to help them deal with the things in the world which feel incompatible with them and shape the world to fit them ;). Sure life's a little harder sometimes....but who would want "she lived a dull life" written on their tombstone? ;) not I :).
So yesterday, I felt relief..and acceptance before reverting back to just pure, 100% love towards the boy walking beside me, my baby boy...my second Awesome Aspie!
Oh and those puddles? You can bet your partooty that he walked through them as I squealed mock disgust and he laughed genuine joy at the experience and his wussy Mama! A moment of pure joy etched upon his face...the wetness was well and truly worth it :).
My foot left the space of warmth for a second when I remembered, I'm going in late today. It didn't take much more than a nano second to pull that foot right back in and reset a later alarm!
When I did eventually get up I got to experience something which is normally an old distant memory...yesterday I got to be a school mum! No rushing out the door with toast eating in the car, thermos cups filled with tea and hot chocolates, dreary eyed children still wiping sleep from their eyes as I drive through the streets while dawn fully emerges from darkness. Instead my beautiful children woke in their time and TOOK THEIR TIME, savoring every minute on this lazy school morning.
An activity only ever indulged on weekend mornings was partook..
And they were delicious.
Eventually it was time to greet the traffic and drop them off. It didn't quite go smoothly, but we survived drop off and then headed to littlest mans appointment.
We walked past puddles on the way in, my pulling him away from them was met with threatened tears, I promised he could go thru them after...was I mad? Perhaps, but jumping in puddles is his ultimate life thrill..if only you could see the joy on his face you would understand :).
The Paed was late...or perhaps I should say he started our appointment late..anxious is not the emotion I wanted to be feeling as I walked into it!
There was much talk, much much much...so much Infact that I was very late into work and only got to be with my class for one lesson yesterday ~eek~
All that 'much talk' came to a definitive conclusion. My Littlest boy has Aspergers Syndrome.
Later that night, I told my big boy K and he shrugged his shoulders, no big deal. I told my girl and she said, "oh that means the boys are the same and I'm just like you!" This diagnosis in our family, well it's not a big deal really..no stigmas come with it, only cool differences and opportunities to play with truly wonderful people every two weeks (o.t etc) . My kids really innocently reacted to this news in a way I could only have dreamed they would feel about ASD three short years after we first got Ks diagnosis and that is with acceptance and love ...and I'm totally taking the credit for those attitudes! ;)
I felt relieved, I knew...I think I always knew and now I'm able to get early intervention funding and assistance for him. I love the little man he is and unlike this same experience three years ago with K I was not blind sided. My world didn't crumble at my feet this time because I have been given the wonderful gift of the understanding and teaching about Aspergers...from K. He is terrific, intelligent, happy, funny...he's everything I ever dreamed in a son and more. The only difference being that his path he's walking, the way he sees things and his interactions with the world are sometimes different to other peoples. He's taught me how important it is to appreciate each and every persons individual journeys and walk along with them with an open mind, ready to learn together.
The lessons his Aspergers have taught me are nothing to fear. We can do this together. I've got wonderful support people in my life, the boys do too. I'm able to help them deal with the things in the world which feel incompatible with them and shape the world to fit them ;). Sure life's a little harder sometimes....but who would want "she lived a dull life" written on their tombstone? ;) not I :).
So yesterday, I felt relief..and acceptance before reverting back to just pure, 100% love towards the boy walking beside me, my baby boy...my second Awesome Aspie!
Oh and those puddles? You can bet your partooty that he walked through them as I squealed mock disgust and he laughed genuine joy at the experience and his wussy Mama! A moment of pure joy etched upon his face...the wetness was well and truly worth it :).
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