Today...

Today, after my half day of work (last day of term) I am traveling to the real estates office to be given the keys to our new home.

I haven't spoken much about the process of packing up and moving because I haven't been able to. Moving this time, is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Each other time that I have moved it has been for happy reasons. I had just got married and we moved in together. Then our first home, building and moving to a bigger home. Leaving behind happy memories at the old house and moving forward into an expected happy future. This time it has been markedly different.

I had to go through many of those happy (and many not) times memories and belongings and each one brought with it a wave of emotions that often were just too much to bare! I had many people right by my side for the majority of the packing and I am so grateful that I did. I could not have done this without their support.

Today I get the keys placed in my hands and it will be the first house that I ever take responsibility of alone. It's a new horizon for us and I have been waiting for this moment for so very long.

To walk the corridors of a house with no ghosts.

To decorate and build a home that is safe and happy and where I belong, where the children belong and can be happy is something I dreamt of long before I was a Mum.

We are all so very excited about this move.

We are all not talking about what we are leaving behind.

Talking about it hurts...so right now we will live by this philosophy...





And looking forward to a fresh start and happier times ahead.

Sensory overload...

Today I awoke to the sight of my beautiful boys lying beside me and from that moment on I knew that the day would be good.




I wish I could say the same was true for my big boy.

While I was packing all day with beautiful friends packing also by my side, ticking to do list boxes and achieving tasks, K-Man was really struggling!


At school every lesson brought with it the inability to cope with anything much. The work, the students, the teacher and environment...it was all just too much for him. For the first time all year he had meltdown after meltdown! He was as he is a home, at school today, and I think it shocked his teacher!

K-Man has perfected the art of holding everything in until he gets home. Of going by the rules and doing the right thing at school. He observes and he blends in. To the point that I've had comments in the past about how 'normal' he is and how there's no need for an individual plan for him or any type of help at school that needs to be offered! As though I am a helicopter Mum or hypochondriac, making up his disorder for attention because THEY.DON'T.SEE.IT.THERE!

Today they saw it and I was almost happy about it!

He isn't coping well with all the big changes happening around here right now. But if you spoke to him, you wouldn't possibly guess that the packing and moving and the increased anxiety/anger and meltdowns are connected for he is genuinely excited about moving. He has been waiting a long time to live closer to school, to move to this house. But the amount of activity in this house, the frequency of people coming and going and the packing up of his things, even if just for the next few days until we move.....is enough to send him into sensory overload.

Little A-Man is in sensory overload all the time right now also. You'd think that'd be a good thing wouldn't you? That the boys could relate to how each other are feeling? But it doesn't quite work that way! They are continually getting on each others nerves because they are so different (and so so alike). A-Man is repeating things, whether it's behaviors or words and that is driving K insane! He becomes so frustrated with him! Oppositely A-Man is becoming anxious and frustrated with Ks defiance, rudeness and out of character behaviour and screaming, which results in increases in dobbing and crying a lot, as he is constantly telling his big brother not to do something or say something, which results in him copping an earfull! K becomes like a lit firecracker and they then meltdown off each other!

It's not a nice time here right now for my beautiful boys who like routine and structure and knowing where everything is....because right now all our things are in boxes and their world is anything but structured and organised.

Only four more days boys...we can make it :) and what a celebration moving in will be...right at the start of two weeks holidays :).

I cannot wait! :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Box City...

My parents, brother, cousin and best friend came over today to help pack.

This morning there were just a handful of boxes packed...tonight I'm navigating my way through full boxes along most walls :)

I have moved a couple of times before and none have ever been as hard as this.

You see I decided that I really need a complete fresh start, which means leaving behind those things which might hurt if stumbled across in the new house.

So I needed to go through photos and belongings of my old life. A life that was supposed to be my happy forever. The life that took me through from teenage years to adulthood...the life that turned sour long before it ended......finished.

I ripped photos (cathartic!), sorted CDs, DVDs, books...box for me- box for him. I threw out things, kept some things...decreased objects to take to the new house and donated a car full of goods. I welled up, I sunk low but I kept.on.going!

It's getting done and the hard parts haven't been nearly as bad to get through due to my family and friends by my side.

Soon my hands will hold the keys to a new house, a new life.

But until then...more boxes need constructing and packing and more friends will be right by my side helping me through. Thank Goodness For That!

Take that pragmatics!

Packing boxes...

so.much.fun!

To break up the monotony this afternoon I decided to break out my best comedic dance moves to a MJ song on the radio and asked K if he liked my dance moves? He have me 'a look'. I then got a smile out of him and so pushed my luck by saying, "so I'm gunna give up my job and become a professional dancer!"

With a smirk on his face he looked me in the eyes and said, "yeah, good luck with that!"

WOOT! Who said pragmatics was a problem for him? ;). Just five years ago he would have thought I was serious..but now he's every bit as smarty pants as any other nine year old boy! Love It! :D

Our puppy (who is actually 11years old!) moved out today! She's gone to live with my parents (which is the Taj Mahal of dog homes with daily chats and pats, left overs and spoiling galore!). I miss her already :(




her leaving home face :(

I should have taken a photo of her there though, I assure you she was grinning big :). We will see her a lot still which is good. I would love to have her living with us still but I had to put the kids and I having a home as top priority and unfortunately I had trouble getting a rental with her :(.

She was my first baby. If I'm this emotional about my baby puppy girl leaving home can you imagine me when the kids fly the coop? I might just have to keep them at home forever! ;).

Well this Nana (not literally....just in behaviour sense) was woken at 4.30 to serve breakfast to a hungry, better little A-Man this morning..so I'm turning in.

Night interwebs! :)

(and night Leanne, my threatened and incredibly welcome daily stalker ;) ).

A-Man and the nasty bug

Today they called me at work because he was sick :(




So very sick :(

He travelled back to work with me and watched fireman Sam while I helped get the 130 lunch orders out that we were responsible for, while intermittently running to help him when the nasty bug in his belly wanted out :(.

He said to me, "I want to Doe home mama". So that's where we went. Picking the big kids up early and going home to snuggle watching a DVD.

I hate it when the kids become sick and there's nothing i can do to help them. (thankfully it was just one this time!)

(Although so glad I've been forced to get over my vomit phobia! Never thought that would ever happen! Ah, a mothers love for a child can overcome any boundaries :) )


Poor Little A-Man :(

One Year On....

Woken by the phone, surrounded by my sleeping children I pressed answer and my world imploded!

What is that saying? 'The straw that broke the camels back' ...that's what it was that occured that day. It was the straw that broke me..us...it...the marriage. One year ago today.

Shaking, shivering, sobbing I rang my parents and they came straight over. I. Rang my best friends, I broke. I cried and sobbed and shook....all day.
Then I got up and made dinner and tried to sleep that night. The next day I went to work...working and running on adrenaline and little more than two hours sleep. Day by day by day the time passed. Step by step the time passed. Things got a little better, things changed...we changed for the better.

Freedom.

Today is one Year since that day. One year since the path to single mothering started and the recovery of the life that we had always deserved but never lived. One year since beginning to understand that love doesn't hurt and destroy...abuse does.




A year...it went by in the flash of an eye.

I so wished, on that day, that I could hit a fast forward button to take me one year ahead to a day I imagined when l'd have moved right past all of this. When it would all be over and I'd be living an incredibly happy life. Today, I might not quite be feeling that way, nor be living that life just yet...but there is always next year.




This time though, I'll avoid wishing for the fast forward button...there's too much growing to do through the pain. And the ceasing of the pain makes the joys of life so much more incredibly sweet. :)

Children should be seen and not heard unless asked to speak...and other such discrepancies between then and now

Today we stepped back in time to the 1800-1900s!

The big, golden bell rang summoning the students to class. 2 lines of gentlemen and ladies were formed, and they were led into the classroom that they used to know, which had been transformed.

Tables had changed from groupings to straight rows.

Reprimands were given for yawning without covering their mouths, for putting their hands up rather than standing and bowing (or curtsying) and slouching was threatened with the block!

Writing was completed using a dip pen and ink well and amazing questions were asked and answered to their satisfaction :).

The teacher was brilliant and incredibly engaging. I worried as I took photos and video that perhaps this wasn't engaging enough for them..with an hour of 'talking to'. But after it was over the only complaint was that it went way too fast! They wanted more, another lesson, a WHOLE DAY!

The in school lesson was a wonderful success and a great way to bring to a close our unit on federation and life in the 1900s. Next week we celebrate immigration and the wonderful people who helped build this country of ours :)

Have I told you how incredibly cool year 6s are? (probably a dozen times now ;) )

This place....

There are lots of different fluffy little things I could write about tonight.

I could write about the killer headache/migraine that keeps coming and going like an unwelcome visitor for the last three days....but I won't.

I could talk about the cloud of grey snuggled around me right now which is draining my energy leaving me wanting to sleep for the next one hundred years at least....but I won't.

I could talk about the low level emotions I am feeling right now which have my eyes poised to spill over an avalanche of tears at any moment and the hollowness of heart and stomach that nothing seems to fill...but I won't.

I will instead tell you why.

Why my sons are having so incredibly different but equally as traumatic times at the moment trying to regulate their emotions and failing in massive meltdown moments.

Why my daughter is talking back like an acid tongued teenager.

Why I am suffering all of the above ailments and so much more.

Why?

Because we are on the cusp of one of the biggest changes we've ever experienced. And although we are all excited about the moment being in the near distance when we can settle and just be......

At the moment we are in this horrible place where we are stuck in the past, surrounded by memories of what was, surrounded by the dreams of what was supposed to be and what will never be. Sifting through bits and pieces which stir up more than their menial hard cases were designed for and with each bit and each piece my heart breaks and although they deny it, I think theirs (my beautiful babies) does a bit too!

We are leaving here...leaving the house we built for the forever more of grown children and grandchildren and happy days of my dreams (for reality showed a different reality once the rose tinted glasses were removed!) . Torn I am between the heartache and pain of looking around me knowing within three weeks this will not be mine anymore to feeling contempt and hatred towards the same walls and backyard and carpet for causing me such pain and heartache, for not fulfilling my dreams..for making me hurt so much..wanting me to leave immediately...now...RIGHT NOW and never look back!

In truth, preparing to leave this house feels like the breaking of my marriage all over again. It hurts like hell, breaks my heart into a billion pieces several times a day and leaves me seeing nothing but grey on even the sunshiniest days!

But, there is that little part of me, the small Buddha within who sits and watches and gives me a knowing smile...for he knows that this pain I necessary to truly enjoy the freedom and new beginning which is just around the corner. I just wish I did not have to live through it to get to that point.




Soon kids, soon....this will be finished and we will truly start again...soon.

special request...if you come by and read this post could you please say hi, nothing more..just hi. Just wondering who is reading and also feeling a bit alone these days so just to know someone's stopped by would put a smile on my dial :) - Grazie

I'm linking up for the first time this week with Jess from Diary of a SAHM :)

Mum Knows Nothing, lol....

It's not a good day when not even the sunshine can warm you.

I've felt very sick today. My parents have stepped up to help which I'm so incredibly grateful for.

Tonight my big boy K called me to his room telling me he had a joke* for me.

K:"what's your name?"
Me: "Mum"
K: "what's this called?" (pointing to his nose)
Me:"nose"
K: "what's in my hands?"
Me:"nothing"
K: "ha ha ha ha, mum knows nothing!"

I faked shock and tried to tickle him while he wriggled out of my reach and we laughed.

I walked out of his room smiling.

Sometimes I forget how much of an antidote these babies of mine really are :).

*K never understood jokes. The fact that majority of the time they rely on pragmatics makes them very hard to decipher. But with practice and lots of coaching he began to understand and like jokes. Telling them (and the beginning phases when he would then explain why it was funny, which I loved and found just as funny and adorable as the joke itself!) reading joke book after joke book and memorizing them and telling them...so cool! I love his jokes so much more because of the journey he's taken to be able to tell them :).



My joker boy left this for me to find in the photos folder! Hehe

Distract me no more...

I sit, phone in hand and scroll, click, open, close apps.

Like opening the fridge looking for food over and over, futile searching and distraction from what must be done.

Whirling, thumping noise fills the house free of calls for mum, squeals of laughter or pain. Child free silence. Soon the whirling, thumping will stop..washing cycle complete.

Tapping rocks in glass, turtle tank filter..reminder of a job to be done, tank filled, filter cleaned.

Distracting tasks consume me as I avoid that which must be done but hurts to do.

Taping boxes, filling them up, sorting into donate, throw out, pack. Tasks leading to the future stirring up memories from the past.

Avoid says my brain, avoid says my heart. Offering other distractions...shopping, browsing, working distractions and do the packing goes undone.

But it's not going away..the day comes closer and closer...opportunities diminish to complete it without cries for mummy and little fingers unpacking and salvaging what's been thrown or donated.

Must be done....

Don't want to!...

Burn the lot? If only...

Scrolling, clicking, shopping..stop! Distractions be gone.

Time to harden my heart..



And pack!

There's something fishy going on...

This morning we were late as normal to swimming lessons, but it's ok because their swimming teacher, MsA, is totally lovely and welcomes A2 with a smile no matter what the time.

He got in and did his normal refusal to blow bubbles or refusal to kick (and on some days refusal of both! ;). ).

I was walking from the edge of the pool to my seat when I was hit with an idea!

A2 loves to make fart noises with his mouth and give raspberries when I least expect it! So I whipped around and said to him, "hey A2, blowing bubbles is the same as making fart noises with your mouth underwater! It's making fart noises at the fish!" (disclaimer- the fish alerted to are fictional and not live and swimming around in the public pool!)

He looked at me for a few moments with a look on his face which clearly translated his thoughts that I was insane!

And then...he cracked up laughing and tried it! I feigned shock at such rudeness and he did it again and again!!

It was awesome!

I sat and watched as he blew bubbles (made fart noises at fish) all through his next drill with MsA :).




practicing afterwards

I approached the poolside again and said to him, you know how you like to splash water at people? Well kicking your legs is you splashing water at the fish!

He thought that was so fun that poor MsA got a face full of water whenever she ventured too close to his feet from that point on.




For the first time ever A2 swam with his teacher and simultaneously kicked his legs and blew bubbles! :)

To celebrate this new skill we all went to watch Nemo in 3D on the big screen...




It was 'totally awesome dude!'

Today was the best kind of fishy day there ever could be :)

Just keep swimming ;)

Only darkness, no words of my own, so these will have to do...

The Raven and the racists! Just another day in the classroom....

I sat to take the roll this morning and there wasn't a spare spot on the carpet as they called out after the other, "here", "present", "good morning". Within seconds of completing the roll the floor was nearly empty as 19 of them excited the room leaving 11 in my presence. It was athletics day and they were off to compete.

I looked at this small group, while they looked back at me and smiled. What fun would we get up to today? :)

Firstly they agreed that it was time to be reacquainted with Raven! (just don't tell the other students who weren't there ;) )




We had the pleasure of meeting the author Wendy Orr during our writers festival, she was lovely and answered all the questions our budding writers could have possibly come up with :). We got to know Raven just before Wendy's visit and she's had our hearts pumping ever since! Even on the days when my cold made my voice nearly disappear they insisted that I read! I'm a sucker for a good book so you wouldn't have to think to long on what my reply was.

Soon enough it was time to get into the lesson of the morning. Heavy stuff, but we were up to this part of Australia's history...The White Australia Policy.
After trying to work out just what that meant we then watched and discussed a documentary brought out by ABC1 ( http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ptxlehKaBE4) .

Out of the 11 children in the room there were only 3 present whose ancestors have been in Australia for three or more generations. Many of my students have a recent history of immigration themselves. One of the things i I love about teaching children is their honest reactions and opinions of things occurring in their world. They are not afraid to say when they believe something is stupid or wrong or racist. They are not tainted by other peoples views and opinions and even if they are they still have the naivety of youth to believe that out of all opinions there's is the only one which is important anyway ;).

There was some wonderful dialogue while learning this morning, about how unfair it was that families were ripped apart and migrants were refused entry to Australia because they could not pass the immigration dictation test. A test that was designed specifically to fail them!

We were so engrossed in the discussion that rather than stopping just before the bell we were rudely interrupted by it.

As I walked out of the classroom behind them I couldn't help but wonder at the kind of peacefilled, equality driven world we would cohabit if we were governed by the rules and viewpoints of children!

The rest of the day was a lovely blur of real life maths, cooking toffees, designing posters and windy yard duty hugs and chats with little Preppies who walk along side me making the time fly by.

Our small, quiet group was bombarded at days end by a gaggle of sweaty, happy students with ribbons of first, second and third hanging from them. We smiled, congratulated them and caught up on their days events before.....

Is that the bell already???

The best thing of all is that we get to do it all over again tomorrow...on a Friday! our crazy canteen day where we serve nearly the whole school our prepared lunch order menu and make a squillion dollars for graduation ;).

What was your day like?

Marching on parliament...

Have you ever felt so tired you lie down and even if you have to get up again it involves serious negotiations with each limb and muscle involved in the move to coax them to be cooperative? That's me right now!

Today the two big kids and I went into the city, to Rod Laver Arena for the AEU Support Staff, Teacher and Principal strike.

Over 15000 teachers filled The stadium and marched through the city.




Approximately 400 schools closed completely for the day.

It was amazing being a part of such a large collective group of people all standing up for what they believe in!

My children felt proud to be a part of it, so proud that A1 told her whole dance class about her day only 2 minutes into the session!

I felt proud to be a part of it.

To find out more about the strike click in the following link:
http://keepthepromise.com.au/

What do you know about the teacher strike? What do you think of it?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The first acquired piece.....

We have a few special stores that we love to frequent, the kids and I. They are not your average stores and you cannot find them in in your average shopping centre. A couple of them are a part of a franchise but one is a little lone store with the most precious treasures of all due to the fact.

These stores sell a whole range of products. Books, furniture, clothing, toys, linens, electronics, jewellary...it almost sounds as though they are a mall onto themselves doesn't it? But there is one thing that sets them apart for your everyday super store....

Despite being a part of franchises they do not stock the same things. You are not guaranteed to find exactly what you are looking for when you go in nor are you guaranteed of the quality of items.

What you are guaranteed of is that you will walk out with your arms full and your wallet not Empty. You are guaranteed to get a feeling of exhilaration when searching through racks of clothes or bookshelves filled with books and you happen upon that item that you have longed for or perhaps never knew you always wanted!

The types of stores that I am talking about, if you have not already guessed, are opportunity stores..or more fondly referred to most often as Op shops. Stores which are specifically set up to sell second hand, pre-loved items at a discounted prices. With the profits from the items going to people in need.

One of our favourite Op Shops is a part of the Saint Vincent dePaul organizations shops. Being a larger store it stocks many items of furniture as well as clothing and books, toes, shoes etc. Little A2 lovingly calls it, "our op shop!". Anything near it or anyone going there is told how privileged they are to be near or to shop at our op shop. The kids love going in there and searching for treasures, playing with the toys and talking to the ladies volunteering on the day.

The last few times we have gone the children have gone straight to the couches and tried each one out. Like a page from Goldilocks and the Three Bears the commentary often involves talk of too lumpy, hard, soft, bright coloured as they search long and hard for that one perfect couch.

Two weeks ago they proclaimed that they had found it! Although it was a little squishy, upon test driving it, we discovered all of our tooshes fit on it at the same time. They oohed and ahhed at its softness and comfort. Little A was very excited over the secret storage area in it and that he fit perfectly along the storage bit, laying on his belly with his feet in the air.

As we moved on to other things, as we left the store and went about normal life, for days afterwards, they continued to talk about this couch.

When we entered the store this weekend past, they begged to buy it as it was still available. But I was still apprehensive. It was cheap but I hadn't done any research on sofas and so wasn't sure if it was worth what was being asked. Also it was clearly a piece of a bigger lounge suite and looked a little lost with its black connecting piece right at the front in plain view. I was also worried that although we all fit on it now, I didnt think in the future I would be able to say the same thing.

But the house we are moving to is very small and I couldn't deny that it would fit nicely in the lounge alcove.

I returned on Sunday without the children and sat on it, looked at it and thought about it...then left. I went to some major furniture sellers and was flabbergasted at the price of a brand new couch...even a small one!

On Monday during my lunchbreak I made a call to 'our op shop' and put on hold the couch the kids had begged for.

Today as we were working hard at school and work my Dad and brother picked it up and delivered it home. They couldn't get it inside and so the new couch is being stored at the moment...not in use. You should have seen the excitement on the children's faces when they first discoved it tonight! the pure joy in little A's voice as he realized that the secret storage area couch was ours, all ours! The sigh of comfort as Princess A sunk into it for the first time as her own couch and the pride beaming from K as he jumped around it.

Our very own couch..





It's not new, nor is it perfect. It clearly has signs of where it belonged to another piece..another family and lifetime but now there it is, out there alone, starting again with us.

The most perfect sofa/couch for our little family. We are about to start again, missing a piece but gaining so much, starting again, not perfect but perfect enough.

The perfect family member...the perfect celebration piece to start the next chapter in life.

Couch....welcome to our family!

xo




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Stockpiling memories...

I've got no idea who Emily Rose is but if you click on the image you can have your own memory box. Although its a useless idea for my Nana and I...neither of us would remember where we put it!"


Right now as I type this lying in bed, longing for sleep, I should instead be coloring my hair. That chasm between the last hair color and the Greys growing in passed the point of 'not really noticeable' about a week ago!

It's pretty bad...and the thing is the hair colour box has been here for ages but I just haven't done it. I find it funny when people notice or I talk about my grey hair and they ask how old I am? For me age never really came into it. I first noticed grey hairs just after I had my first child...I was 26.

Truth is I think that early grey hairs run in my Mums family..like so many of our other connections. Get us in a room together and there is not much doubt as to our connected blood lines! Put the baby or toddler photos together of my mother, mine, my daughter, cousins..etc and you are hard pressed to identify who is who. We have much in common us lot!

Our habit of getting up to mischief whenever we are together, the crafty gene that is among us all, our penchant of being incredibly loud whenever we are in each others company. The best thing I believe is our sense of humour, be it black, sarcastic or normal? We know how to take the piss out of each other and make light of situations...even when they are not particularly humourous.

It's all these things that we have in common that has made me decide to not only blog again but to blog regularly about the everyday and our life. To record the journey we are taking as we make it on our own. I want a record for them and I to look back on of our days. I want to record just what it is like and feels like to be a teacher and the privilege I feel to do this job.

Not too long ago I imagined that I would always be able to tell my story, that I would always remember and rejoice in these times as either happy and fond times or times which make me wince but from which I grew and moved forward. But something has happened over this year which has made me think that perhaps it is fools gold to assume (when you assume you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me') that I will always have such luxuries.

My beautiful, wonderful Nana was my before and after care program everyday of my primary school years. I would spend every holidays there too as my parents worked full time. She is the strongest and most beautiful person I know. She would tell me stories of bringing up her nine children that would fill me with awe. When I'd grown up and returned to visit weekly, she would dote on my babies, remembering every detail of our visits, laughing at our precious memories and retelling them to me through my baby years when I was too tired to even remember what day it was.

My lovely, wonderful Nan doesn't recite stories anymore, infact she often forgets things just after she has said them. She becomes confused very easily, by people and situations or things that do not seem right. She will repeat things....often. Her sister is the same, although her forgetfulness started before my Nan's at a time when she was aware enough to notice it her sisters memory loss. Now they have conversations on the phone nary remembering a detail once those conversations are complete.

There is yet a name for this and although we are all worried about it, when together we are coping in the best way we know how. To laugh and make jest of the situation for to do otherwise could see us crumble and that is just not something that the genes which she has passed through us all would ever allow!

So tonight, when I should be colouring my hair, or doing a load of washing or..sleeping (like 30 minutes ago when I started this!) I am instead writing this blog post. And tomorrow I will write another, and the next day another and another and another until I cannot write anymore. For these moments, thoughts, feelings, days...life...is so very precious.

Like a squirrel stockpiling nuts for the winter time, I'm on a mission to stockpile memories for days ahead when perhaps my own memory bank says "that'll do JAAK, that'll do!"

Fathers Day...

This morning I had two little people climb in the bed, one on either side and chatting over me. My big boy K looked at me and said, "Happy Fathers Day Mum!". My daughter looked across to him and said, "she's not a father, she's a mother!" . He just smiled at me and didnt reply to her, instead steering the conversation to something else.

A few moments later they'd exited the room leaving me thinking about Ks comment. I never thought for a second that there was anything about today's celebration day that had anything to do with me, but I guess in many ways I am also the Dad majority of the time. I'm the one doing it all with the kids, each and every thing, making the decisions, running the day to day.

Playing footy, cricket and jumping in puddles. Climbing play centre structures with them, washing the car, mowing the lawns and looking for bugs. Going on bike rides, building of forts and reading gross books. Teaching them to ride a scooter and bike without training wheels, to climb rock walls and climbing webs. Teaching them to pee standing up as best I can (verbally, not through example! :0 )

And although their Dad is still around and sees them every two weeks, including today, which was great for the kids it's nice to know that my big boy appreciates me not just as his Mum but as his sometimes Dad too :)

Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads or parents doing both jobs :).

The time machine has dumped me here, 9 years later!

I turned over in my sleep and experienced the sharpest back pain. I didn't think too much about the fact that it had diminished by the time I climbed back into bed and fell back asleep. But sleep didn't last long....my intended sleep-in lasted about 1 hour before yet again I was awoken with back pain. Sharp, stabbing pains in the back that couldn't be ignored.

I got up and showered and was curious to find that the pains came and went as I showered, but it couldn't be labour?....just some weird phenomenon! I was only 37.5 weeks pregnant and this was my first, besides all the books had said that the pain is in the front and is like period pains.

Within an hour my denial was diminishing quickly as I rocked on the fitball and had summoned my husband home from work!

Within two hours we were on our way to hospital.

The first nurse i saw while getting the antibiotic drip put in, was a lovely little chinese woman. As I began to moan through the pain she very sternly said to me, "Do not yell or scream! Take that pain and hold it in and allow it to make you stronger!". She became my Yoda. For the rest of the labour I did not scream and I felt the most I empowered and in control that I had ever felt In my life!

At 3.30pm I looked at the clock and exclaimed out loud that school would just be finishing and my Preps going home. I felt relieved I was missing the Monday night meeting. I Guess the 2.5 weeks maternity leave hadn't erased the work girl from me yet.

Half an hour later I told them that I had changed my mind. That I couldn't do this and would like to go home. They sweetly told me that just wasn't going to happen ;).

At just after 6 with just three pushes my beautiful first child entered this world. With a set of lungs he exercised strongly telling us for the first time (but certainly not the last!!) that he was here and he was perfect!
At 26 years of age I became a Mum.

Since that point he has not only guided me in my new parent role but has taken the world that I knew before and turned it on its head in a deliciously good way. He has made me a better and more compassionate teacher. He has given me an understanding and openness to discover and understand others that i never knew I possessed. He has opened my eyes to a wonderful new view of the world and his interactions with it.

He is my son and he is my world.

Happy Birthday my beautiful K-Man.




I hope today is all that you dreamed and that your beloved footy team win the game tonight for you.

As I squeezed you tight this morning and your sister said I was squashing you to death I loved your response that I better stop as you have another 90 birthdays to live after this one and don't want to die earlier than you should. I hope that I am there for as many of those as possible.

Love you to the moon and back 100 times Master K

xoxoxoxox Mum