Today I was driving through my local area, running late to take my biggest boy to a birthday party and yet calm and content. As I drove through the suburbs the thought came into my head, "this single parenting thing isn't really that hard. I'm actually doing ok with this".
Fast forward to tonight, 8pm when I'm trying to get the boys dinner and took in my sick little girl, do dishes and am just then putting on the washing which I will need to stay up til late to dry also as its the uniforms and I'm so fraught with tiredness and stress that the thought comes into my head, "I totally suck at this! This is too hard! Too much for one person to do all alone!"
But, I put on my fancy dish washing gloves that I treated myself too when the dishwasher broke and got stuck into the dishes. I helped my boys bathe and into their pj's. Tucked them into bed, kissed and hugged them...turning away so I didn't witness them wiping the kisses away ;) and walked to their door ready to keep working when K stopped me with this..
"Mum...thankyou for everything today, it was the best day ever!"
From the boy who could not say thankyou in a solemn way, could not comprehend without much training why thankyou is used at all comes a solemn, self directed, heartfelt "thankyou".
That there, is so much louder than the self critical voice in my head. That there says, "I'm doing ok"
Oh and this job, it's damn hard but also so insanely wonderful. I've never felt closer to my kids and as in love with them as I do right now. In just one month it will be a year since I separated from my husband, a year of being a single mother. And although there are still many crying days and hard days I can say unequivocally that there are more happy days than before and the beautiful little people are who they are because of the change and not in spite of it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
You are doing it. And you are dong well.
ReplyDeleteThanks E :)
Deletewhat a heart melting moment... we need those to remind us that it is really all going to be ok xxoo
ReplyDeleteSo true Noo. Those moments and also my closest friends and family really have got me through this! Thankyou friend xoxo
DeleteWhat a beautiful comment from your son. As for single parenting, I have to agree. It's not that much harder, often it's easier because it's less complicated. I thought I would bend under the weight of it, but in fact the opposite has happened. I feel lighter. On an unrelated note, I think my son has that exact teddy bear that is in your header. He's had it since he was a baby and still sleeps with it every day. His name is Bear.
ReplyDeleteThat's such a perfect visual, I agree I too feel lighter. It's amazing the difference in feeling :). The teddy is Charlie Bear from the tv show 'Charlie Bear' :) my little man loves the show :).
DeleteWhat at awesome moment with your son.
ReplyDeleteParenting alone is harder and easier in some ways. I've been a sole parent for three years now and don't really know a different way to parent. I still cry, if only on the inside.
Hi Dorothy, thankyou for your comment :). I find the years these days are born from the loss of the dream or the magnitude of the decisions I need to make alone..as the split has definitely given us a better quality of emotional and psychological life. I like what you said about not knowing any other parenting way..I'm beginning to feel that too. :)
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