Honestly, can you HANDLE Autism?....

Image credited to here

The above  image of the Sydney Opera House was taken last night. It was lit up Blue to bring awareness of Autism. As I wrote yesterday I support this cause and I have people who I love who have Autism. I do not see anything wrong with my son's Aspergers and the only changes that we are makin through the various therapies he attends are those that will help him to lead a happy and full life within society.

I have days like today though when I wonder what the point of the above campaign really is and if it will ever really make a difference?

As I parent of a child on the Autism Spectrum I need to tell you that there are very few places which we venture out to. We are not a family who go out to restaurants often. It is not because we would not like to..on the contrary each of my three children and myself like to go to restaurants. We like watching the chefs in the kitchen.  We like being in new and different decorated environments. Sometimes there are circles in the middle of the table they can spin which are incredibly exciting. There are some new foods to try and turn our noses up at before sticking with the staple yummy foods. Yes...restaurants are something we would love to visit more often...but unfortunatly for us other people don't like us to visit when they are there.

They don't like it when they hear a child scream loudly that they wanted to sit somewhere different, even if that scream only lasts a few seconds and the child is easily placated...hearing it gives them THE RIGHT to give you an offensive look. They do not like it when your child does not sit still the whole time...if your child has a disorder which means that shifting around in his chair, standing, jumping, walking a little then sitting again helps him to enjoy the experience more...even if he is coming NOWHERE NEAR your table...the fact he is doing it apparently gives you THE RIGHT to give the parents an offensive look. If your child doesn't use the cutlery the way that he should at the age of eight and you are making the choice between allowing him to eat his dinner with his fingers and having stimulating lovely conversation at the same time, or fighting for him to use cutlery and noone enjoying the meal.....well people will judge you as a terrible mother based on the cutlery disuse alone.

If you go to a restaurant that has a playground then do not think for a moment that you are safer. You are in fact in the danger zone of being judged on their behaviour in there also. You see my son is a lovely boy and he knows not to take his anger out on others that he does not know. If he is frustrated by the actions of another child then he will come out and rant about them to me. I will then placate him and try and help him with the situation. If it is his own siblings though....well I let them deal with it within reason. So when your daughter wakes in a negative mood and has been all day and spends majority of the time in the playground annoying her brother who is playing nicely with other children and he turns on her, especially after she has punched him, tried to kiss him, pushed him....well obviously when you are a member of the public that allows you to say in an incredibly loud and obnoxious voice:

"That child is a Monster! He has been out of control in that playground and the Mother just does nothing! It is mothering like that that causes kids like him!"

hmmmmm.

My child with Aspergers Syndrome had a really lovely time out today. He played with a new friend (step son of a Uni friend of mine who I haven't seen in over a year and who we had gone out to lunch with for a catch up) and his sister and other kids in the playground. He fought with his sister quite a few times, sometimes those fights ended in violence...I was watching...there was nothing I could do to prevent it but contrary to opinion I did deal with it after. I guess they were too busy judging others to see me holding him in the tension hold for five minutes...or talking to them both and comforting my daughter while also berating her behaviour which was sneaky and horrible...especially as she knew well the consequences of her actions with her brother. They also didn't see his talk with me about his behaviour and having him admit to and deal with his actions. NO...they didn't. To them...my son is not like the other boys in there, who all had a great time playing with him. He was different, and quicker and louder and a because of the stimulation was acting a little full on. Which the other children thought was terrific because he is incredibly funny and animated when he becomes overstimulated (but he can also meltdown...which he did towards his sister) . No....they saw a different child, an out of control one and a Mother who was doing nothing to make him act more NORMAL!

They saw a MONSTER.

They saw a shit Mother who did nothing to stop his behaviour and so instantly saw that because his Mother was not running into the playground to make him act more 'normal' every two seconds and was sitting and chatting with her friends that the Mother was the cause of the behaviour. They saw a SHIT AND NEGLECTFUL MOTHER.

As that Mother I used to enter playgrounds and placate and stem my childs involvement in play if it didn't look the way it should, so worried of what other people will think, that something bad will happen. As that same Mother now, years on from then I KNOW my son and I know when I can stand back and allow him to be himself. I KNOW when he is ready to burst and I know the signs. I saw him ready to burst at his sister and perhaps I was wrong to not get out of my seat and stop it...not that I would have got there in time...but I also saw her behaviour and I knew that the bursting was justified. I couldn't have stopped the situation before it happened or when it did and I could tell he would not take it too far...and he didn't. I knew she would run out screaming the injustice and play the innocent...and she did. They are CHILDREN...they are SIBLINGS....I know them and I was watching the situation unfold and was ready to move if necessary. I guess though that their children are just PERFECT ...as perfect as their Parenting obviously is for them to feel so confident in voicing their opinion on sitiuations that are none of their business towards strangers.

As a family we don't go out much....not because we do not want to but because THEY DO NOT WANT US TO! The general public do not want to see children and people acting in any way different to what is expected! They will judge and they will voice those judgements on people they do not know...because as NEURO TYPICAL individuals they feel they have a right too.

In my heart I truly do hope that campaigns such as Light it Up Blue and World Autism Awareness Day/ Month work...and in small ways I think that they are. There is certainly more people who know about Autism and have formed understandings...but there are still so many who answer my explanation to their judgements that my son has Aspergers or Autism with....

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

Unfortunately for the general public I am not planning on spending all of our days at home, as much as that would be easier for you. I am planning on taking my children out to the same spaces as you, to the same restaurants and parks and on the same planes. To the same shopping centres and theatre shows and skateparks. They will be different to you and I will react to them differently to how you think you would, Despite how confronting that might be for you. Despite how disturbing it might be to your perfect life and your perfect day please understand that WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE THERE TOO. And we will be. I would also like to remind you that YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF....or to ask questions of which I would be HAPPY to answer.

Sometimes I think that the hardest thing about having Autism in our life is not the Autism itself but the rest of the population that cannot tolerate it.

Seeing the world through coloured glasses!

I've come in today to write a post for World Autism Awareness Day. It is a pretty special and signifcant day and I wanted to write something that really does it justice. I wanted it to be positive and jovial and really sums up the full gammet of worlds that ASD in our family has opened up for us. But....I am not doing so well today.

I am in the midst of a panic attack over the state of our life. The indecision of where we will live. The huge gammet of responsibility on my shoulders while I bring my children up alone. The gigantic, terrifying reality that is being a single Mum and being in limbo with our lives! I spend so much of my time doing the little things that often I can ignore the big things that loom their cold and shaky shadows on my back. But then sometimes, like the first day of holidays with two weeks of non work before us.....the big things sit down at the breakfast table with me and force me to look them in the eyes...and that is when the inner child comes out and forces me to lose the plot and shrivel within.

But while I am doing this, hiding with 7th Heaven playing on the telly and writing this blog post, willing my heart to slow down and my head to not begin thumping, in another part of the house my oldest children play together.

My son who has Aspergers Syndrome and my girl who is Neuro Typical are playing together in animated imaginative play. They are laughing and getting along and sound just like any other brother and sister. Eventually they will fight and hit one another, she will scream and cry at the injustice and he will scream that it wasn't his fault. Just like any other brother and sister. He will tell her to get lost, that he doesn't want to play with her or she will slam her bedroom door in his face...just like any other brother and sister.

So many specialists have remarked how very lucky K is to have siblings to force him to be social and deal with other children in his space. I listen to that thought process with quiet contemplation. Is he really lucky for that reason? I am not sure. I think that he is lucky to have siblings because he will always have someone in this world who is connected to him by blood and have known him all his life. I think he is lucky because he has two other people besides his parents who 'get' him. I think that he is lucky to have them because they are wonderful little people all on their own. I think that they are also lucky to have him.

He teaches them humour...imagination and to develop a thick skin. They have an older brother who at times will stand up for them and others tease them to the point they want to kill him. But they also get to learn about tolerance...all of them do. K learns to tolerate others who get into his personal space and participate in interactions with him in ways which he often, does not feel they should or that he wants them to. He has had to learn how to deal with this, tolerate others when he doesn't feel like doing so and learn through his play with his siblings, what is and isn't an acceptable way of reacting to these situations.

They are learning tolerance of behaviour which is a little different to the norm. Reactions which are strong in emotion and at times strong behaviours. They are learning that no matter how different a person is they need to be accepted for who they are and not what you want them to be.

Does my daughter often wish that she had more time with me? I am guessing yes. She is the one, at 6 years old and in the middle of two boys who is the most independent in the house. During nighttime routine she is the last to be seen by me. She showers herself while I am busy with the boys. She reads her reader to herself. She waits quietly as I calm and placate and read to Mr small (A2) as I also try and make sure that K is infact getting into pj's and into bed and hasn't been distracted by something else. When out shopping she is the one who I expect to stay and hold the pram or take over one, while I calm the other. I don't need to worry about stopping a meltdown from her, she knows the drill...she's good at helping, not because I ask her to, but because in these situations...when you are family...you have no choice.  She is the one who cops the abuse and the screams and yells and is heartbroken as she wants so much from her brothers and often gets so little. She is the one who walks into my room at the end of the day to just give me an extra hug..because she senses I need it, because she needs it too. She gives freely of her kisses and love and attention and scoops up all the attention and love she can take in return.

I am very very conscious of the needs of my girl and to make sure that her voice is heard at all times. But sometimes that is just not possible. That is reality. That is ASD. But you know what. If you are reading this and you have just been given a diagnosis of ASD in your child or a member of your family then please do not despair and believe me when I tell you that I would not change my son for anything in the world! No really..I would not take the ASD out of K....because in this house ASD is not a dirty word!

Sure at times it makes life harder. He has to learn more, tolerate more, change more than other people. He sees things differently and reacts differently to situations and sometimes that is hard for others to understand. Sometimes that is hard for him to understand and tolerate. But...those differences are also a blessing in so many ways. He gets things, like formulas and rules so much easier than I ever could. He understands and learns things easier and quicker and has a wicked memory! He has a depth of emotions and understanding of the feelings of other people and living beings which is a hundred times stronger than most other people, which is a true gift. It is the opposite of what experts say about people on the spectrum 'not understanding others', when focused on others he can understand more than you give him credit for. He also has the incredible ability to be able to block out those things he doesn't want to know or focus on at that time ;).  But of course the opposite is also true that at times everything becomes just too much because he cannot block anything out.

Sounds are louder, things taste bigger, smells are stronger, feelings are deeper....life is more colourful with ASD. Our lives are so much more colourful with him and the ASD that makes him who he is, in our lives.

Getting a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome is not a death sentence....it is just a script for walking through life with a slightly different coloured pair of glasses on!

Being a parent or a sibling of someone with ASD might make things a bit harder at times, a bit louder, a bit more colourful, a bit trickier...but do not forget that for every negative there is an equal positive opposite. We have learnt to be more tolerant and loving and understanding not just of our own son/brother but also all others who walk through this world with different coloured glasses on. Our family is wonderfully fun and happy and loving...and although that in application may look a little different to how they would within your walls, they are still there and make our life path a wonderful journey to walk...TOGETHER.

xo

Please click away from here via my  dear friend MadMother here . She has a linky today where we can all share our ASD experiences. Build your awareness ;) xo.

He was a skater boy....

There are many good things that I have found as a Mum have been the result of my being a Tom-Boy when I was younger. For one, I am pretty damn good at sports....any sports but especially cricket and footy and my son is not at all embarassed to kick a ball in public with me ;) . Another is that I love riding bikes still. But there was more than just a bike in my past..I also used to ride roller skates (which I didn't keep) and a skateboard (which I did keep) .

When I was growing up I spent a lot of time with athletes who were paralympians. My mother is an Amputee and was a professional athlete when I was very young, so I got to know many other amputee athletes. Around the olympic swimming pool many of the people that I would play with and hang out with when older were double or single leg amputees...how would you get around the edges of the pool to your starting blocks? why on a skateboard of course. I loved their skateboards. They were so insanely cool and I never felt prouder than the moments when I was entrusted to watch their boards while they raced...and when they taught me too how to ride them.

I rememeber begging and begging my parents to buy  me a skateboard just like my friends...but we didn't have much money and any large items like a skateboard had to wait until birthdays or christmas. Finally though i was given a skateboard. It wasn't quite like my friends. It was a little more narrow and it was pine coloured with grips...unlike their white, wide boards which were covered in their own cool stickers. But that skateboard meant the world to me. I would spend hours and hours out the front of my house going up and down the foot path, turning into the driveway and and riding back out again. I loved that board and thanks to the hoarding genes passed down to me from my Dad I never got rid of that board.

My children discovered it a few years ago, but it was too hard to ride and so it kept on getting put away. Until this week. K decided, Monday night that he would get that skateboard out and try it out. I stood and watched him and he asked me to show him how to use it. I tried to stand on it and wobbled off instantly. Thoughts of breaking my bones and ending up in hospital flashed through my mind. 'Perhaps I am too old?' I thought. So I sat down again and just watched him for a while, thinking that my time had passed...skateboarding is not for me. Then, I felt propelled to try once more. So waiting for K to take a break I placed my foot on the board once more and pushed off. I fell off...but landed standing on my feet. Suddenly I felt alive! I got back on...within 10 minutes I was skating back and forth across the driveway.


We worked together then, as the old skills came back to me I was able to tell him how to move his weight on this feet to make the board turn. He was able to ride it, by himself by the end of the night.

My boy K, he spends most of his life running around on his tippy toes, walking on the ball of his feet, barely ever putting the full weight of his body on his feet as he races through life. It is an Aspie thing..it is a K thing. On a skateboard though, K is FORCED to put his whole weight on his feet in order to steadily ride. It was a learning curve at first and an action that he has to remind himself to perform each and every time he gets on the board. But it only serves to make him feel even more proud of himself when he is sailing along the concrete on my board...I mean his.

Because tomorrow he has decided that he is going to ride 'his' skateboard to school! He cannot wait to show his friends his, 'like a penny board, real skateboard!' . I cannot wait to see him make the trip from the local sports fields car park along the walking/riding path to school.

Gosh could I be anymore proud of him? I think not...although there are always new days and new skills to achieve.... :)

How Tzatski dip caused him to be social...

We picked A2 up from childcare and discussed how tonight A1 was cooking dinner, the menu being Souvlaki's. I instantly remembered that we had forgotten to buy dip when we did the shopping but how it was lucky we still had Spring Onion dip in the fridge. K however couldn't imagine Souvlaki's without his favourite Tzatziki flavour and began to riffle through the compartments of the car looking for loose change. Just as we got to the main road he had found $4.15 and so I turned around and headed back to the supermarket.

Given the low energy and sickness I have I really did want to go into the supermarket, dragging all three children in for just one item! Low and behold K piped up that he would go!

We talked through what he would do when he got the dip. Filled in the step between getting it and coming back to the car (you know, the paying for it part ;) ) and he decided that he wasn't confident to use the self serve and so he would go to the register that the person was at. I told him that the person would say, "How are you today?" and asked how he would reply? K has an aversion to social chit chat with people he knows, he really has an aversion to it when it is with strangers. When we go shopping I try to encourage him as much as possible to speak to strangers, to ask for things or place the order..putting him in situations where he has no choice but to socialise and interact in conversations with strangers.

He attempted to do just this for me last week when ordering his sister a happy meal while I ordered his and his brothers KFC while the two other children sat at a nearby table (eating at a food court). Off he ran (despite being asked to walk...he barely ever walks anywhere!) to McDonalds and a little while later he returned...but without the happy meal box. He had been given the McBites and the choc drink but no box, chips or toy. AS I had just finished at KFC I walked back with him. Two factors had prevented him from having a successful transaction on this day. Number one was the fact that a trainee served him and upon K using a very soft voice when ordering she did not push him to speak louder or read back the menu to him. No fault of hers or his...it was just an oversight. Upon being given the wrong order he was too shy to say anything and so instead came back to the table.

To the worker at McDonalds credit she praised him for trying and that meant I had an incredibly happy boy who came back to eat his dinner.

Tonights venture of buying dip in a supermarket all by himself was incredibly huge for him with many things to remember. Firstly having limited funds he needed to find the dips and then read the price tag to make sure he had enough money. He then needed to find the register, answer the social niceities and pay for the product, wait for the change and then come back out to the car.

So off he went....we chatted about things while we waited and it seemed that in no time at all he was bolting back to the car. He was beaming with pride and I looked at the dip and my smile did the same (dip). "K," I said, "You accidently bought Spring Onion dip instead of Tzatziki". He looked at the dip in his hands and then at me. This situation could have gone two ways...it could have all been ok or it could have triggered a massive meltdown. As K was quietly and sullenly looking at me I said, "You can take it back to the register and just tell them you accidently got the wrong one and ask to change it". I waited on baited breath for his reply.......He smiled and said, "ok". Then around he turned, slamming the door and bolting off back to the entrance.

A little while later he returned with an even bigger smile on his face if possible. He had gone to the exchange desk, said what he needed to and then changed the dip.

I cannot explain to you how incredibly fantastic and big this is of an achievement for K. He knows it too. I am SO insanely proud of him! But I cannot show him the full level of my pride, instead I praise him a little...and then we head home as though nothing really out of the ordinary has occured. But deep down both K and I know that that is far from the truth.

The journey to diagnosis begins...

My youngest son A2 is 3.5 years old. His story starts as a pretty calm and wonderful one. He came into our lives at a time of great upheaval. When discovering that we were pregnant with him we did that amazingly stupid thing that people of our generation often do and we looked around our little house with our big backyard but little bedrooms and we decided that instead of staying there and squashing children into those little rooms we should sell it and buy or build a McMansion! So that is what we did (Oh with hindsight how I regret thee decision! For I would have surely been able to buy Hubby out right now and stay in established little house bliss with the children happily ever after if we had just stayed...)

So we sold and moved in with my parents in a teeny little house with too many people and not enough space for a little under a year while we built the McMansion! It was tense and A2 arrived on the scene around about 3/4 of the way through our time there. To be there when he was a newborn was pretty spectacular. I had extra hands to hold him and help out with doing all the things that three little children demand of a tired Mama.

He was a dream, he slept for one. No not a little but a lot and over night pretty early on. He was easy to get to sleep. He breastfed beautifully...he was quiet and calm and made our family complete in a lovely way.

When we moved into our new house he crawled around and loved the open space, but still preferred to be close to his Mama.

There were so many things so very different about him and his older brother that in the first 1.5 years I had much hope that perhaps the Aspie wand hadn't touched him. But then there were also little things, that as he got older became more prominant which were very similar indeed.

The months and months of not adjusting to childcare or changes with his carers at childcare. The 2.5 years it took him to talk to the workers at the childcare more than single word answers (and that was with him being incredibly close to his main carer!) . The social sideline he played as he would rather watch than participate in activities with the other children. The aversion to noises and crowds and changes in routine that would cause massive tantrums and screaming set to blow up even the most hardened of ear drums.

Day by day and year by year the little 'things' grew until they have blown up before my eyes and some nights it is hard to envision simply getting through to bedtime without losing my mind.

Oh I love my quiet boy who changed into a not so quiet and easy going boy. He has become the policeman his brother once was, only using a different tactic of defense. K would hit or push kids who didn't do what he wanted them to do at this age (3.5) whereas A2 complains and cries and screams. With his siblings he has also began lashing out but not with other children. He is a rules man, but unfortunately they are his rules and sometimes he forgets to tell everyone else around him about the rules until he forcefully and loudly enforces them on them!

Bananas which do not split the way he wants them to are not able to be eaten! Hmmm...this one frustrates the non wasteful part of me.

Children who sit in the spot he deems is his at the table receive an earful of screaming....a book not placed right on the shelf, a toy moved from it's spot, noise too loud, people not where he thinks they should be, papers that are crumbled slightly that should be straight, lots of people around him, too dark, too light/ bright....oh I could go on and on. But surfice to say that the day came when I decided it was time to see if he could be diagnosed with Aspie or something or if this is just him....

I kept putting the day off. Friends gently coaxed me, reminded me and listened as I lamented the latest thing he was struggling with but they didn't push as I knew, that dealing with the seperation and all the drama that brought to my life and the emotion that I just was not ready. Although I strongly suspect that he too has Aspergers and it wouldn't be a surprise to me, I also know that with the diagnosis comes the paper trail and the specialists trail and the emotions of dealing with the finality of it before the acceptance and joy of it settles in finally. And I felt that all of that would be just too much to handle for me. So I delayed.....and delayed until finally I could no more.

It was an afternoon when I was getting K checked at the doctors and A2 insisted to be checked and argued with the doctor over the insistance that he needed medicine when he didn't that I mentioned my concerns and apologised for the bogus appointment for him knowing that if he didn't see the doctor that day and be checked out that I would have a night and week before me of constant tantrums and complaints from A2 about not seeing him. I was tired, I gave in. The doctor understood and then he offered a referral. I said thanks and I will come back to do it another time. Overnight I thought about it. The next day was the one in the week that is just A2 and I. I awoke to the rules and by school drop off time I was going insane and the two big kids gratefully exited the vehicle coyote chasing road runner style, such was their relief to be exiting the situation! When I got to the end of the drop off zone I made the choice to turn left instead of right....15 minutes later we pulled into the doctors.

Yesterday the postman delivered the date I have been waiting for. May 22nd, a Tuesday.

And so begins the journey towards our second diagnosis (or not....lets not jump the gun I hear you saying)

Big Achievement of the Day no#2

I sat down to write the menu plan for the next two weeks before going shopping and I was struck with cookers block..or more like cookers boringness! No inspiration nor interest hit me while sitting there and planning foods my children would actually eat for dinner the next two weeks. Then I was hit with an idea.

I called them into the room and I gave the task of choosing the meals they wanted to eat over to them. At first they hit me with the not fair daggers thrown forth from their eyes into mine...but soon they felt the power of their task and the ideas came flying.

~ Lasagne   ~ hamburgers  ~sausages   ~ pasta    ~roast dinners    ~ Chicken snitzels  ~fried rice   ~ noodles  ~ homemade pizzas

The list went on and on with the mundane staples of our small eating choices of the picky and young. But then I added a new twist to the list! I told them they needed to choose one meal each that they will help me to cook! YES, they are cooking the dinner one night in the next two weeks! Brilliant idea! They were beyond excited at the prospect!

First on the cooking duty roster was K. He had decided he would like to help and cook that nights Lasagne. So off we went to do the grocery shopping and an hour later and several notches of tolerance used we all walked back into the house!

K then entered the kitchen and got to work. First task he fulfilled was delegating the cutting of the onion to me! He hates the smell and can't stand to cry. He was head chef, I had no choice but to comply ;) . Next he began to cook the onion and garlic and mince meat. He was amazed when the meat began to brown and we had an interesting science lesson when he taught me about conductors and how it was a good thing we were using a plastic spatula! He loved the cooking bit right up until the part when the oil jumped up and splashed a tiny drop on him! He gave up for a while as he ran the teeny wheeny droplet of red on his skin beneath cold water and then, just as he had done the day before, he came back for another try with cooking the meat (try, try again..or jump back on the bike in the literal and metaphorical sense :) ) .

It wasn't all smooth sailing. K is easily distracted and several times I sent him to wash his hands and he didn't come back without my calling several hundred times. But in the end he managed to put the lasagnes together and also cooked oven chips, cut up a salad to go with it and served it all with a smile :D

To say that he was proud of himself and his achievement would be an understatement...I think he was even more proud of himself than I was of his achievement. What a very big weekend it was for my biggest boy K. Learning to ride solo on his bike and then cooking dinner for the family! HUGE!

Oh and the meal was absolutely delicious! :D

Big Achievement of the day no#1....

This weekend just gone by was a chance for us all to stay home and recoup after a few little sickness things struck us.

A1 was hit with tonsilitus (another day off today with it also) and K had a hit of car sickness just before he entered OT on friday afternoon.

So Saturday morning came rolled around and I declared the day a Pyjama day. I cancelled all plans for the day and we settled in for a day at home. By the afternoon the children had destroyed the house as only three children could and the oldest and youngest were hankering for fresh air. So out they went to the backyard, taking their bikes with them.

I sat in the bedroom, doing paperwork and happened to peer out the window to discover K on his bike, struggling to ride it as it really was too little for him. He had received a new bike two christmases ago from his grandparents but had been far too scared to try to ride it as it did not have training wheels. One thing that I learnt a long time ago with K is that when it comes to the big things in life he will not do them until he is really ready to. He has a tendency (as do many on the spectrum) to turn little things into giantantic scary as heck things, which once he has decided that that is the category they live in, are incredibly hard to reverse or convince him otherwise of. Riding a bike without training wheels was one of those things.

He wanted to desperately wanted to as all his friends did and he missed out of riding with them because he refused to ride with training wheels due to embarassment (another thing about my K is that he HATES being different! Not just normal hates but as in, "THE WHOLE WORLD IS GOING TO GET HIM AND IT WILL BE DREADFUL AND EVERYONE WILL LOOK AT HIM AND THAT IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN EVER EVER HAPPEN AND WILL RESULT IN DEATH" kind of hate....the thought of standing out in a negative way results in massive meltdowns!. What he was really afraid of was the inevitable fallings off that were going to occur when he was learning to ride without training wheels. He was petrified of falling and getting hurt.

As I watched him out the window I decided to give it another try, to offer to teach him to ride his new bike, knowing the least that could go wrong through asking was him saying no and the most that could go wrong is that the thought of it would trigger a meltdown. I knocked on the window and called him up to the other side and made the offer. He looked at me for a moment and then replied, "Yeh, ok" .

I don't think I have ever jumped up as quickly as I did at that moment! We grabbed his bike and headed to the backyard.

I've learnt many things through parenting my boy and the biggest is not to bother sugar coating things. I will always be found out and the sugar coating will cause more trouble than the event itself that I tried to sugar coat. Honesty really is the best policy for him and so I told him the truth from the start. "K, you are going to fall off your bike. Infact I think you will fall off your bike about 534 times today before you are able to ride it all by yourself without training wheels! But you will fall on the grass and the grass is soft and you will be ok. I have fallen off my bike many times, infact one time when I was younger I had a really bad accident where I scraped off the skin on my knees and arms and cried a lot. But I still ride today don't I? (he nods and smiles) the point is to never give up. When you fall off just get up and go again and again until you can do it with confidence." .

Another thing I need to tell you is that everything that I say to him, ESPECIALLY WHEN ENCOURAGING HIM TO DO SOMETHING HE IS APPREHENSIVE OF is always laced with humour and I spend most of the time laughing. I find if I can keep the whole thing jolly then if he is in the right mood then he will also take things a little lighter and not as seriously (serious leads to failure feelings which lead to meltdowns and defeatess feelings and never trying again). I could sense that humour was going to work for him today as he was smiling as he mounted the bike.

The first circuit of the yard I held on to the front and the back of the bike. We talked about the maths of weight ratio when riding etc and he eventually got the hang of balancing the bike straight. Soon I had moved my hand to just holding the back of his seat and then it happened...he fell off. I partly caught him and I laughed the loudest laugh I ever had in my life, hands holding his armpits and holding him slightly off the grass while one leg was caught beneath the bike. My innards were tied in a knot of prayer just hoping that he would take the fall well. Those nano-seconds between fall and reaction seemed to last forever until finally.....he smiled and laughed and got back on the bike. PHEW! Every time he fell I laughed and counted the falls and reminded him that he would fall 543 times before he learnt to ride.

But thankfully he proved me wrong. K managed to fall off his bike eleven times in total and 1.5 hours after starting to learn to ride his bike he was riding it all by himself! Infact he was so confident that we walked to the concrete bike/ walking path close by and off he zoomed away from us! No training wheels! No Assistance to start of stop and NO FALLING OFF! :D

In one afternoon K had learnt to ride his bike! and the smile of success on his face was waging a war of size with the smile of pride on mine!

What a monumentous achievement! :D

Well Done K!

Leaving him hanging...

K had a day off school on Wednesday due to not being well while his little sister(A1) went as usual. After a day of resting and playing at home it was time to leave and pick her up.

We waited near the gate and finally she arrived, but so too did the Ks friends. He has Aspergers and he has tried so very hard to make friends and as a result he is very popular. He has a group of about 10 boys who he is friends with and who seek him out at school. I think it might be helped by Big boys sarcastic and humourous nature....he can make you laugh over nothing and he is very cool most of the time ;) . But having Aspergers means that sometimes he misses things, or so it seems.

One of his longest friends came up with his cool helmet on and cruising on his skateboard to say hi to K. BB\\K got out of the car and went on the grass to talk to him and about another 5 boys that had come over to say hi and find out why he wasn't at school that day. As H got near K on his skateboard he put his hand out and said, "Hey K, high five!" with his hand outstretched. K looked at him and then continued talking to one of the other boys, no outstretched hand, no high five. H looked a little taken aback and sad and then moved on from it watching K. I have known these boys for a while and H in particular and I called out from my side of the car, "Hey K, you left H hanging there!", K looked at me and I specified, "he asked for a high five and you totally dissed him!" and then laughed a little. For to tell K that he hasn't done something and not make it like a joke is meltdown provoking!

K looked at me and him and replied, "No I didn't! I didn't want him to fall off his skateboard". We both looked at him and he turned to him, frustrated at his lack of memory and said, "Remember! last time I gave you a high five when you were riding your skateboard and I gave you one you then fell off your skateboard and scraped your knee right about here (pointing to his own leg/ knee)" . H smiled a huge smile and said, "Oh Yeh, I remember!" and with that all order was restored to the world and I was put back in my place!

Sometimes my Aspie boy is not missing the social cues around him, sometimes it is us NT's who are missing the things that we should probably remember and see that he does. :)