Seeing the world through coloured glasses!

I've come in today to write a post for World Autism Awareness Day. It is a pretty special and signifcant day and I wanted to write something that really does it justice. I wanted it to be positive and jovial and really sums up the full gammet of worlds that ASD in our family has opened up for us. But....I am not doing so well today.

I am in the midst of a panic attack over the state of our life. The indecision of where we will live. The huge gammet of responsibility on my shoulders while I bring my children up alone. The gigantic, terrifying reality that is being a single Mum and being in limbo with our lives! I spend so much of my time doing the little things that often I can ignore the big things that loom their cold and shaky shadows on my back. But then sometimes, like the first day of holidays with two weeks of non work before us.....the big things sit down at the breakfast table with me and force me to look them in the eyes...and that is when the inner child comes out and forces me to lose the plot and shrivel within.

But while I am doing this, hiding with 7th Heaven playing on the telly and writing this blog post, willing my heart to slow down and my head to not begin thumping, in another part of the house my oldest children play together.

My son who has Aspergers Syndrome and my girl who is Neuro Typical are playing together in animated imaginative play. They are laughing and getting along and sound just like any other brother and sister. Eventually they will fight and hit one another, she will scream and cry at the injustice and he will scream that it wasn't his fault. Just like any other brother and sister. He will tell her to get lost, that he doesn't want to play with her or she will slam her bedroom door in his face...just like any other brother and sister.

So many specialists have remarked how very lucky K is to have siblings to force him to be social and deal with other children in his space. I listen to that thought process with quiet contemplation. Is he really lucky for that reason? I am not sure. I think that he is lucky to have siblings because he will always have someone in this world who is connected to him by blood and have known him all his life. I think he is lucky because he has two other people besides his parents who 'get' him. I think that he is lucky to have them because they are wonderful little people all on their own. I think that they are also lucky to have him.

He teaches them humour...imagination and to develop a thick skin. They have an older brother who at times will stand up for them and others tease them to the point they want to kill him. But they also get to learn about tolerance...all of them do. K learns to tolerate others who get into his personal space and participate in interactions with him in ways which he often, does not feel they should or that he wants them to. He has had to learn how to deal with this, tolerate others when he doesn't feel like doing so and learn through his play with his siblings, what is and isn't an acceptable way of reacting to these situations.

They are learning tolerance of behaviour which is a little different to the norm. Reactions which are strong in emotion and at times strong behaviours. They are learning that no matter how different a person is they need to be accepted for who they are and not what you want them to be.

Does my daughter often wish that she had more time with me? I am guessing yes. She is the one, at 6 years old and in the middle of two boys who is the most independent in the house. During nighttime routine she is the last to be seen by me. She showers herself while I am busy with the boys. She reads her reader to herself. She waits quietly as I calm and placate and read to Mr small (A2) as I also try and make sure that K is infact getting into pj's and into bed and hasn't been distracted by something else. When out shopping she is the one who I expect to stay and hold the pram or take over one, while I calm the other. I don't need to worry about stopping a meltdown from her, she knows the drill...she's good at helping, not because I ask her to, but because in these situations...when you are family...you have no choice.  She is the one who cops the abuse and the screams and yells and is heartbroken as she wants so much from her brothers and often gets so little. She is the one who walks into my room at the end of the day to just give me an extra hug..because she senses I need it, because she needs it too. She gives freely of her kisses and love and attention and scoops up all the attention and love she can take in return.

I am very very conscious of the needs of my girl and to make sure that her voice is heard at all times. But sometimes that is just not possible. That is reality. That is ASD. But you know what. If you are reading this and you have just been given a diagnosis of ASD in your child or a member of your family then please do not despair and believe me when I tell you that I would not change my son for anything in the world! No really..I would not take the ASD out of K....because in this house ASD is not a dirty word!

Sure at times it makes life harder. He has to learn more, tolerate more, change more than other people. He sees things differently and reacts differently to situations and sometimes that is hard for others to understand. Sometimes that is hard for him to understand and tolerate. But...those differences are also a blessing in so many ways. He gets things, like formulas and rules so much easier than I ever could. He understands and learns things easier and quicker and has a wicked memory! He has a depth of emotions and understanding of the feelings of other people and living beings which is a hundred times stronger than most other people, which is a true gift. It is the opposite of what experts say about people on the spectrum 'not understanding others', when focused on others he can understand more than you give him credit for. He also has the incredible ability to be able to block out those things he doesn't want to know or focus on at that time ;).  But of course the opposite is also true that at times everything becomes just too much because he cannot block anything out.

Sounds are louder, things taste bigger, smells are stronger, feelings are deeper....life is more colourful with ASD. Our lives are so much more colourful with him and the ASD that makes him who he is, in our lives.

Getting a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome is not a death sentence....it is just a script for walking through life with a slightly different coloured pair of glasses on!

Being a parent or a sibling of someone with ASD might make things a bit harder at times, a bit louder, a bit more colourful, a bit trickier...but do not forget that for every negative there is an equal positive opposite. We have learnt to be more tolerant and loving and understanding not just of our own son/brother but also all others who walk through this world with different coloured glasses on. Our family is wonderfully fun and happy and loving...and although that in application may look a little different to how they would within your walls, they are still there and make our life path a wonderful journey to walk...TOGETHER.

xo

Please click away from here via my  dear friend MadMother here . She has a linky today where we can all share our ASD experiences. Build your awareness ;) xo.