Honestly, can you HANDLE Autism?....

Image credited to here

The above  image of the Sydney Opera House was taken last night. It was lit up Blue to bring awareness of Autism. As I wrote yesterday I support this cause and I have people who I love who have Autism. I do not see anything wrong with my son's Aspergers and the only changes that we are makin through the various therapies he attends are those that will help him to lead a happy and full life within society.

I have days like today though when I wonder what the point of the above campaign really is and if it will ever really make a difference?

As I parent of a child on the Autism Spectrum I need to tell you that there are very few places which we venture out to. We are not a family who go out to restaurants often. It is not because we would not like to..on the contrary each of my three children and myself like to go to restaurants. We like watching the chefs in the kitchen.  We like being in new and different decorated environments. Sometimes there are circles in the middle of the table they can spin which are incredibly exciting. There are some new foods to try and turn our noses up at before sticking with the staple yummy foods. Yes...restaurants are something we would love to visit more often...but unfortunatly for us other people don't like us to visit when they are there.

They don't like it when they hear a child scream loudly that they wanted to sit somewhere different, even if that scream only lasts a few seconds and the child is easily placated...hearing it gives them THE RIGHT to give you an offensive look. They do not like it when your child does not sit still the whole time...if your child has a disorder which means that shifting around in his chair, standing, jumping, walking a little then sitting again helps him to enjoy the experience more...even if he is coming NOWHERE NEAR your table...the fact he is doing it apparently gives you THE RIGHT to give the parents an offensive look. If your child doesn't use the cutlery the way that he should at the age of eight and you are making the choice between allowing him to eat his dinner with his fingers and having stimulating lovely conversation at the same time, or fighting for him to use cutlery and noone enjoying the meal.....well people will judge you as a terrible mother based on the cutlery disuse alone.

If you go to a restaurant that has a playground then do not think for a moment that you are safer. You are in fact in the danger zone of being judged on their behaviour in there also. You see my son is a lovely boy and he knows not to take his anger out on others that he does not know. If he is frustrated by the actions of another child then he will come out and rant about them to me. I will then placate him and try and help him with the situation. If it is his own siblings though....well I let them deal with it within reason. So when your daughter wakes in a negative mood and has been all day and spends majority of the time in the playground annoying her brother who is playing nicely with other children and he turns on her, especially after she has punched him, tried to kiss him, pushed him....well obviously when you are a member of the public that allows you to say in an incredibly loud and obnoxious voice:

"That child is a Monster! He has been out of control in that playground and the Mother just does nothing! It is mothering like that that causes kids like him!"

hmmmmm.

My child with Aspergers Syndrome had a really lovely time out today. He played with a new friend (step son of a Uni friend of mine who I haven't seen in over a year and who we had gone out to lunch with for a catch up) and his sister and other kids in the playground. He fought with his sister quite a few times, sometimes those fights ended in violence...I was watching...there was nothing I could do to prevent it but contrary to opinion I did deal with it after. I guess they were too busy judging others to see me holding him in the tension hold for five minutes...or talking to them both and comforting my daughter while also berating her behaviour which was sneaky and horrible...especially as she knew well the consequences of her actions with her brother. They also didn't see his talk with me about his behaviour and having him admit to and deal with his actions. NO...they didn't. To them...my son is not like the other boys in there, who all had a great time playing with him. He was different, and quicker and louder and a because of the stimulation was acting a little full on. Which the other children thought was terrific because he is incredibly funny and animated when he becomes overstimulated (but he can also meltdown...which he did towards his sister) . No....they saw a different child, an out of control one and a Mother who was doing nothing to make him act more NORMAL!

They saw a MONSTER.

They saw a shit Mother who did nothing to stop his behaviour and so instantly saw that because his Mother was not running into the playground to make him act more 'normal' every two seconds and was sitting and chatting with her friends that the Mother was the cause of the behaviour. They saw a SHIT AND NEGLECTFUL MOTHER.

As that Mother I used to enter playgrounds and placate and stem my childs involvement in play if it didn't look the way it should, so worried of what other people will think, that something bad will happen. As that same Mother now, years on from then I KNOW my son and I know when I can stand back and allow him to be himself. I KNOW when he is ready to burst and I know the signs. I saw him ready to burst at his sister and perhaps I was wrong to not get out of my seat and stop it...not that I would have got there in time...but I also saw her behaviour and I knew that the bursting was justified. I couldn't have stopped the situation before it happened or when it did and I could tell he would not take it too far...and he didn't. I knew she would run out screaming the injustice and play the innocent...and she did. They are CHILDREN...they are SIBLINGS....I know them and I was watching the situation unfold and was ready to move if necessary. I guess though that their children are just PERFECT ...as perfect as their Parenting obviously is for them to feel so confident in voicing their opinion on sitiuations that are none of their business towards strangers.

As a family we don't go out much....not because we do not want to but because THEY DO NOT WANT US TO! The general public do not want to see children and people acting in any way different to what is expected! They will judge and they will voice those judgements on people they do not know...because as NEURO TYPICAL individuals they feel they have a right too.

In my heart I truly do hope that campaigns such as Light it Up Blue and World Autism Awareness Day/ Month work...and in small ways I think that they are. There is certainly more people who know about Autism and have formed understandings...but there are still so many who answer my explanation to their judgements that my son has Aspergers or Autism with....

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

Unfortunately for the general public I am not planning on spending all of our days at home, as much as that would be easier for you. I am planning on taking my children out to the same spaces as you, to the same restaurants and parks and on the same planes. To the same shopping centres and theatre shows and skateparks. They will be different to you and I will react to them differently to how you think you would, Despite how confronting that might be for you. Despite how disturbing it might be to your perfect life and your perfect day please understand that WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE THERE TOO. And we will be. I would also like to remind you that YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF....or to ask questions of which I would be HAPPY to answer.

Sometimes I think that the hardest thing about having Autism in our life is not the Autism itself but the rest of the population that cannot tolerate it.